How Did I Get There ?

While sitting down on what to write for this week, I had a book in my hand titled “ How did I get there ? written by Barbara De Angelis, the Golden Gavel recipient 2007. This book is about finding ways to renewed hope and happiness when life take unexpected turns.

As we are celebrating the Chinese New Year, I asked myself a few questions:-
“ How do we move from where we are now to wherever it is I am supposed to go next ? “
“ How do we follow roads that we cannot find, and paths that seem to lead nowhere ? “
" How do we traverse the great chasms of fear, regret, sadness or confusion that we must often cross in order to find our way out of the darkness ? “

" How do we turn dead ends into doorways ? “ “ How do we navigate through unexpected times ? “

My mentor had told me a story of 3 Buddhist monks. “ One day a young student monk had been invited to mediate with 2 senior monks by the lake side. The three men took a long walk to the lake and sat down by the shore getting ready to mediate. The first senior monk while ready to mediate, “ Oh no, I forgot my meditation mat,” he explained. He walked in the lake without fail to get his mat. He came back in a short while. They were ready for the meditation. The second monk, said, “ Oh, I forgot my meditation sun mat, I need to get it. “ Thus the second monk walked through the lake to get his mat. The second monk came back within 5 minutes.

The young student were thinking, “ why the 2 monks showed off their skills of walking in the lake ? “ “ Why they did not teach me ? “ The young student decided to walk in the lake too. But before he can do so, he sank into the lake. He tried, tried and tried, but he sank, sank and sank. The two monks were looking at each other and the senior monk told the young student, “ Why did you not ask us where are the stones in the lake ? When you walked where the stones are, you will be alright. “ “ Young man, why you did not ask us ? “ asked the senior monk.
The moral of the story is that to prosper in life, we need someone to guide us to avoid the pitfalls, to avoid mistakes and to achieve success. If the young student had asked the two other monks about their secret of walking in the lake, he would not have fallen and sank into the lake.

Thus to be a successful leader, we need a mentor to guide us. During the Chinese New Year holiday, let us think:- “ What do we want to achieve in the coming months ? “ “ Who can help us to achieve our goals ? “ “ Is the individual willing to help us to realize our dream ? “

When I was working in Michael Weinig, a German company, I had 3 mentors who helped, coached and guided me – I become the 1st Asian to hold the position of Head of Marketing. And in Toastmasters, I have not less than 20 mentors who always shared their experience with me – I become the 1st Malaysian to be elected as International Director in August, 2005. Indeed, my mentors have helped me in my journey both in the business world and in non governmental organization.

However, to achieve our goal, we need to face the fact of life by being face to face with the Gap.

Face to Face with the Gap

Even when we want to move forward in our lives, even when we have spent long enough questioning, contemplating, digging and examining, it is not easy. This is especially true when we come face to face with the Gap.

I used to share a story with my friends whenever we encounter with the Gap issue.
“ You are standing on the edge of a cliff, high above the ground. Across from you,. You know there is another cliff, one you want very much to be on. Perhaps you can see it clearly and can imagine how you will feel when you are finally there. Perhaps the other side is covered by clouds or mist, and even through you believe it is there, you can’t see it at all. You know you do not want to stay where you are for much longer, you know it is time to jump. “

“ Then you look down at the huge gap of space between the two cliffs, and in that moment, you become over-whelmed with FEAR – fear of falling, fear of not having what it takes to get to the other side; fear of getting there and changing your mind and not having a way to get back; fear that if you leap, you may have to leave behind something or someone you care deeply about. “

“ You can hear your dreams, calling to you, reminding you of how badly you want whatever it is that’s waiting for you on that other cliff, that you’ll never be happy if you stay where you are now, that you have been putting this off for too long already. But you can also hear the voices of people you know standing near you – some trying to talk you out of jumping to the other side, some angry with you for leaving them behind, still others warning you that you are making a big mistake. And so you remain where you are, looking behind you, looking ahead of you, frozen and unable to leap. “

In life, we all come to a moment in our transformation energy when we find ourselves standing on the edge of s symbolic cliff, knowing that we need to find the courage to jump and somehow get to the other side. We stare at a gap between where we are and where we want to be, with no idea of how we are going to get across.

Perhaps we know we do not want to live the life we have had in its old form, but we are not sure what our new life should look like. Perhaps we have finally come to terms with the fact that our marriage is not a fulfilling as we want to be, but we are not sure what to do to make it work again or if we should even try. Perhaps we have lost a loved one or a job or our health or our financial security and know we need to find the courage to move forward in spite of it, but cannot seem to figure out exactly how to begin again.

It is our nature as human beings to want to feel safe and in control, to orient ourselves by looking around and recognizing people, places and patterns that are familiar. When we confront what appears to be a void stretching before us, we become frightened and often cling more tightly to whatever it is we need to let go to.
This dread of facing that gap is one of the forces that keeps us from getting out of bed, that keeps us from getting out of bed, that keeps us treading water rather than swimming to the shore, that keeps us frozen in inaction.

All growth requires the courage to let go as we jump from one cliff to the next, from who we have been to who we hope to be, leaving behind our comfort zone and leaping, at least temporarily, into the unknown.

Even when we are unhappy in an unfulfilling career or a passionless relationship, still, it is familiar territory, and what is familiar feels safe to us. “ At least I know where I am standing now,” we tell ourselves. “ At least I am familiar with my pain, my unhappiness, my lack of contentment. But if I leave this behind and leap, who knows where I will end up ? “

Conclusion

My personal experience tell me that to progress in life, we need someone who had walked the journey to guide, to share and to mentor us. We must be willing to face the reality in life by finding out what we need to shape to achieve our goals. May I wish all readers a Blessed and Happy Chinese New Year.