Nelson Mandela 8 Secrets of Leadership

Mandela: His 8 Lessons of Leadership

By Richard Stengel Wednesday, Jul. 09, 2008 taken from the Time Magazine

Nelson Mandela has always felt most at ease around children, and in some ways his greatest deprivation was that he spent 27 years without hearing a baby cry or holding a child's hand. Last month, when I visited Mandela in Johannesburg — a frailer, foggier Mandela than the one I used to know — his first instinct was to spread his arms to my two boys. Within seconds they were hugging the friendly old man who asked them what sports they liked to play and what they'd had for breakfast. While we talked, he held my son Gabriel, whose complicated middle name is Rolihlahla, Nelson Mandela's real first name. He told Gabriel the story of that name, how in Xhosa it translates as "pulling down the branch of a tree" but that its real meaning is "troublemaker."

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As he celebrates his 90th birthday next week, Nelson Mandela has made enough trouble for several lifetimes. He liberated a country from a system of violent prejudice and helped unite white and black, oppressor and oppressed, in a way that had never been done before. In the 1990s I worked with Mandela for almost two years on his autobiography, Long Walk to Freedom. After all that time spent in his company, I felt a terrible sense of withdrawal when the book was done; it was like the sun going out of one's life. We have seen each other occasionally over the years, but I wanted to make what might be a final visit and have my sons meet him one more time.

I also wanted to talk to him about leadership. Mandela is the closest thing the world has to a secular saint, but he would be the first to admit that he is something far more pedestrian: a politician. He overthrew apartheid and created a nonracial democratic South Africa by knowing precisely when and how to transition between his roles as warrior, martyr, diplomat and statesman. Uncomfortable with abstract philosophical concepts, he would often say to me that an issue "was not a question of principle; it was a question of tactics." He is a master tactician.

Mandela is no longer comfortable with inquiries or favors. He's fearful that he may not be able to summon what people expect when they visit a living deity, and vain enough to care that they not think him diminished. But the world has never needed Mandela's gifts — as a tactician, as an activist and, yes, as a politician — more, as he showed again in London on June 25, when he rose to condemn the savagery of Zimbabwe's Robert Mugabe. As we enter the main stretch of a historic presidential campaign in America, there is much that he can teach the two candidates. I've always thought of what you are about to read as Madiba's Rules (Madiba, his clan name, is what everyone close to him calls him), and they are cobbled together from our conversations old and new and from observing him up close and from afar. They are mostly practical. Many of them stem directly from his personal experience. All of them are calibrated to cause the best kind of trouble: the trouble that forces us to ask how we can make the world a better place.

No. 1
Courage is not the absence of fear — it's inspiring others to move beyond it
In 1994, during the presidential-election campaign, Mandela got on a tiny propeller plane to fly down to the killing fields of Natal and give a speech to his Zulu supporters. I agreed to meet him at the airport, where we would continue our work after his speech. When the plane was 20 minutes from landing, one of its engines failed. Some on the plane began to panic. The only thing that calmed them was looking at Mandela, who quietly read his newspaper as if he were a commuter on his morning train to the office. The airport prepared for an emergency landing, and the pilot managed to land the plane safely. When Mandela and I got in the backseat of his bulletproof BMW that would take us to the rally, he turned to me and said, "Man, I was terrified up there!"

Mandela was often afraid during his time underground, during the Rivonia trial that led to his imprisonment, during his time on Robben Island. "Of course I was afraid!" he would tell me later. It would have been irrational, he suggested, not to be. "I can't pretend that I'm brave and that I can beat the whole world." But as a leader, you cannot let people know. "You must put up a front."

And that's precisely what he learned to do: pretend and, through the act of appearing fearless, inspire others. It was a pantomime Mandela perfected on Robben Island, where there was much to fear. Prisoners who were with him said watching Mandela walk across the courtyard, upright and proud, was enough to keep them going for days. He knew that he was a model for others, and that gave him the strength to triumph over his own fear.

No. 2
Lead from the front — but don't leave your base behind
Mandela is cagey. in 1985 he was operated on for an enlarged prostate. When he was returned to prison, he was separated from his colleagues and friends for the first time in 21 years. They protested. But as his longtime friend Ahmed Kathrada recalls, he said to them, "Wait a minute, chaps. Some good may come of this."

The good that came of it was that Mandela on his own launched negotiations with the apartheid government. This was anathema to the African National Congress (ANC). After decades of saying "prisoners cannot negotiate" and after advocating an armed struggle that would bring the government to its knees, he decided that the time was right to begin to talk to his oppressors.

When he initiated his negotiations with the government in 1985, there were many who thought he had lost it. "We thought he was selling out," says Cyril Ramaphosa, then the powerful and fiery leader of the National Union of Mineworkers. "I went to see him to tell him, What are you doing? It was an unbelievable initiative. He took a massive risk."

Mandela launched a campaign to persuade the ANC that his was the correct course. His reputation was on the line. He went to each of his comrades in prison, Kathrada remembers, and explained what he was doing. Slowly and deliberately, he brought them along. "You take your support base along with you," says Ramaphosa, who was secretary-general of the ANC and is now a business mogul. "Once you arrive at the beachhead, then you allow the people to move on. He's not a bubble-gum leader — chew it now and throw it away."

For Mandela, refusing to negotiate was about tactics, not principles. Throughout his life, he has always made that distinction. His unwavering principle — the overthrow of apartheid and the achievement of one man, one vote — was immutable, but almost anything that helped him get to that goal he regarded as a tactic. He is the most pragmatic of idealists.

"He's a historical man," says Ramaphosa. "He was thinking way ahead of us. He has posterity in mind: How will they view what we've done?" Prison gave him the ability to take the long view. It had to; there was no other view possible. He was thinking in terms of not days and weeks but decades. He knew history was on his side, that the result was inevitable; it was just a question of how soon and how it would be achieved. "Things will be better in the long run," he sometimes said. He always played for the long run

No. 3
Lead from the back — and let others believe they are in front
Mandela loved to reminisce about his boyhood and his lazy afternoons herding cattle. "You know," he would say, "you can only lead them from behind." He would then raise his eyebrows to make sure I got the analogy.

As a boy, Mandela was greatly influenced by Jongintaba, the tribal king who raised him. When Jongintaba had meetings of his court, the men gathered in a circle, and only after all had spoken did the king begin to speak. The chief's job, Mandela said, was not to tell people what to do but to form a consensus. "Don't enter the debate too early," he used to say.

During the time I worked with Mandela, he often called meetings of his kitchen cabinet at his home in Houghton, a lovely old suburb of Johannesburg. He would gather half a dozen men, Ramaphosa, Thabo Mbeki (who is now the South African President) and others around the dining-room table or sometimes in a circle in his driveway. Some of his colleagues would shout at him — to move faster, to be more radical — and Mandela would simply listen. When he finally did speak at those meetings, he slowly and methodically summarized everyone's points of view and then unfurled his own thoughts, subtly steering the decision in the direction he wanted without imposing it. The trick of leadership is allowing yourself to be led too. "It is wise," he said, "to persuade people to do things and make them think it was their own idea."

No. 4
Know your enemy — and learn about his favorite sport
As far back as the 1960s, Mandela began studying Afrikaans, the language of the white South Africans who created apartheid. His comrades in the ANC teased him about it, but he wanted to understand the Afrikaner's worldview; he knew that one day he would be fighting them or negotiating with them, and either way, his destiny was tied to theirs.

This was strategic in two senses: by speaking his opponents' language, he might understand their strengths and weaknesses and formulate tactics accordingly. But he would also be ingratiating himself with his enemy. Everyone from ordinary jailers to P.W. Botha was impressed by Mandela's willingness to speak Afrikaans and his knowledge of Afrikaner history. He even brushed up on his knowledge of rugby, the Afrikaners' beloved sport, so he would be able to compare notes on teams and players.

Mandela understood that blacks and Afrikaners had something fundamental in common: Afrikaners believed themselves to be Africans as deeply as blacks did. He knew, too, that Afrikaners had been the victims of prejudice themselves: the British government and the white English settlers looked down on them. Afrikaners suffered from a cultural inferiority complex almost as much as blacks did.

Mandela was a lawyer, and in prison he helped the warders with their legal problems. They were far less educated and worldly than he, and it was extraordinary to them that a black man was willing and able to help them. These were "the most ruthless and brutal of the apartheid regime's characters," says Allister Sparks, the great South African historian, and he "realized that even the worst and crudest could be negotiated with."

No. 5
Keep your friends close — and your rivals even closer
Many of the guests Mandela invited to the house he built in Qunu were people whom, he intimated to me, he did not wholly trust. He had them to dinner; he called to consult with them; he flattered them and gave them gifts. Mandela is a man of invincible charm — and he has often used that charm to even greater effect on his rivals than on his allies.

On Robben Island, Mandela would always include in his brain trust men he neither liked nor relied on. One person he became close to was Chris Hani, the fiery chief of staff of the ANC's military wing. There were some who thought Hani was conspiring against Mandela, but Mandela cozied up to him. "It wasn't just Hani," says Ramaphosa. "It was also the big industrialists, the mining families, the opposition. He would pick up the phone and call them on their birthdays. He would go to family funerals. He saw it as an opportunity." When Mandela emerged from prison, he famously included his jailers among his friends and put leaders who had kept him in prison in his first Cabinet. Yet I well knew that he despised some of these men.

There were times he washed his hands of people — and times when, like so many people of great charm, he allowed himself to be charmed. Mandela initially developed a quick rapport with South African President F.W. de Klerk, which is why he later felt so betrayed when De Klerk attacked him in public.

Mandela believed that embracing his rivals was a way of controlling them: they were more dangerous on their own than within his circle of influence. He cherished loyalty, but he was never obsessed by it. After all, he used to say, "people act in their own interest." It was simply a fact of human nature, not a flaw or a defect. The flip side of being an optimist — and he is one — is trusting people too much. But Mandela recognized that the way to deal with those he didn't trust was to neutralize them with charm.

No. 6
Appearances matter — and remember to smile
When Mandela was a poor law student in Johannesburg wearing his one threadbare suit, he was taken to see Walter Sisulu. Sisulu was a real estate agent and a young leader of the ANC. Mandela saw a sophisticated and successful black man whom he could emulate. Sisulu saw the future.

Sisulu once told me that his great quest in the 1950s was to turn the ANC into a mass movement; and then one day, he recalled with a smile, "a mass leader walked into my office." Mandela was tall and handsome, an amateur boxer who carried himself with the regal air of a chief's son. And he had a smile that was like the sun coming out on a cloudy day.

We sometimes forget the historical correlation between leadership and physicality. George Washington was the tallest and probably the strongest man in every room he entered. Size and strength have more to do with DNA than with leadership manuals, but Mandela understood how his appearance could advance his cause. As leader of the ANC's underground military wing, he insisted that he be photographed in the proper fatigues and with a beard, and throughout his career he has been concerned about dressing appropriately for his position. George Bizos, his lawyer, remembers that he first met Mandela at an Indian tailor's shop in the 1950s and that Mandela was the first black South African he had ever seen being fitted for a suit. Now Mandela's uniform is a series of exuberant-print shirts that declare him the joyous grandfather of modern Africa.

When Mandela was running for the presidency in 1994, he knew that symbols mattered as much as substance. He was never a great public speaker, and people often tuned out what he was saying after the first few minutes. But it was the iconography that people understood. When he was on a platform, he would always do the toyi-toyi, the township dance that was an emblem of the struggle. But more important was that dazzling, beatific, all-inclusive smile. For white South Africans, the smile symbolized Mandela's lack of bitterness and suggested that he was sympathetic to them. To black voters, it said, I am the happy warrior, and we will triumph. The ubiquitous ANC election poster was simply his smiling face. "The smile," says Ramaphosa, "was the message."

After he emerged from prison, people would say, over and over, It is amazing that he is not bitter. There are a thousand things Nelson Mandela was bitter about, but he knew that more than anything else, he had to project the exact opposite emotion. He always said, "Forget the past" — but I knew he never did.

No. 7
Nothing is black or white
When we began our series of interviews, I would often ask Mandela questions like this one: When you decided to suspend the armed struggle, was it because you realized you did not have the strength to overthrow the government or because you knew you could win over international opinion by choosing nonviolence? He would then give me a curious glance and say, "Why not both?"

I did start asking smarter questions, but the message was clear: Life is never either/or. Decisions are complex, and there are always competing factors. To look for simple explanations is the bias of the human brain, but it doesn't correspond to reality. Nothing is ever as straightforward as it appears.

Mandela is comfortable with contradiction. As a politician, he was a pragmatist who saw the world as infinitely nuanced. Much of this, I believe, came from living as a black man under an apartheid system that offered a daily regimen of excruciating and debilitating moral choices: Do I defer to the white boss to get the job I want and avoid a punishment? Do I carry my pass?

As a statesman, Mandela was uncommonly loyal to Muammar Gaddafi and Fidel Castro. They had helped the ANC when the U.S. still branded Mandela as a terrorist. When I asked him about Gaddafi and Castro, he suggested that Americans tend to see things in black and white, and he would upbraid me for my lack of nuance. Every problem has many causes. While he was indisputably and clearly against apartheid, the causes of apartheid were complex. They were historical, sociological and psychological. Mandela's calculus was always, What is the end that I seek, and what is the most practical way to get there?

No. 8
Quitting is leading too
In 1993, Mandela asked me if I knew of any countries where the minimum voting age was under 18. I did some research and presented him with a rather undistinguished list: Indonesia, Cuba, Nicaragua, North Korea and Iran. He nodded and uttered his highest praise: "Very good, very good." Two weeks later, Mandela went on South African television and proposed that the voting age be lowered to 14. "He tried to sell us the idea," recalls Ramaphosa, "but he was the only [supporter]. And he had to face the reality that it would not win the day. He accepted it with great humility. He doesn't sulk. That was also a lesson in leadership."

Knowing how to abandon a failed idea, task or relationship is often the most difficult kind of decision a leader has to make. In many ways, Mandela's greatest legacy as President of South Africa is the way he chose to leave it. When he was elected in 1994, Mandela probably could have pressed to be President for life — and there were many who felt that in return for his years in prison, that was the least South Africa could do.

In the history of Africa, there have been only a handful of democratically elected leaders who willingly stood down from office. Mandela was determined to set a precedent for all who followed him — not only in South Africa but across the rest of the continent. He would be the anti-Mugabe, the man who gave birth to his country and refused to hold it hostage. "His job was to set the course," says Ramaphosa, "not to steer the ship." He knows that leaders lead as much by what they choose not to do as what they do.

Ultimately, the key to understanding Mandela is those 27 years in prison. The man who walked onto Robben Island in 1964 was emotional, headstrong, easily stung. The man who emerged was balanced and disciplined. He is not and never has been introspective. I often asked him how the man who emerged from prison differed from the willful young man who had entered it. He hated this question. Finally, in exasperation one day, he said, "I came out mature." There is nothing so rare — or so valuable — as a mature man. Happy birthday, Madiba.

Show Interest in Others

When managers and leaders in an organization notice the needs and the contribution of the people they lead, it inspires co-workers to notice one another. The result is a workforce that feels cared for and therefore connected. Caring about others means noticing who they are. What is someone’s life like when he or she leaves the office. What do they care about ? When you care about those around you, you will naturally be curious to know who they are and ask questions to find out. Ask about their home life, their families, their hobbies – without being intrusive, of course. But if people sense that you truly want to know them, they will usually be more than willing to share.

In How to win friends and Influence people, Dale Carnegie advises, “ Become genuinely interested in other people… be a good listener. Encourage people to talk about themselves.. Talk in terms of other person’s interests … make the other person feel important.. and do it sincerely. “ Seven decades later, his book is still a household staple, and people flock to Dale Carnegie courses. That’s because human being understand that the most important thing we can do is to care and connect with others.

Express Compliments

One of the most important ways we can show people we care is by telling them. Mother Teresa said. “ Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” Mark Twain put it another way, saying, “ I can live for two months on one good compliment. “ We all need compliments. We all need to know that we are noticed and appreciated and our efforts are recognized. When you take a moment to notice someone’s greatness and tell him or her about it, you give a gift that will always be remembered.

A group of my friends and myself attended the Born to Win seminar in Zig Ziglar series in Las Vegas in 1996. In the program, we have learned to recognize others’ positive attributes and write personal notes to one another, beginning with the word, “ I like you because …… “ it could be something simple like “ I like you because you smiled at me. “ Or “ I like you because you asked about my family. “ At the end of the program all of us feel really good about ourselves. Three of is went for dinner together and at a restaurant. At the end of the dinner, we have decided to write a short note to the waiter who was serving us. We wrote, “ I like you because you have provided us an excellent service. “ “ I like you because you greeted us warmly. “ and “ I like you because you have served us delicious food. “ We left the note on the table and we walked out of the restaurant.

About 20 feet from the main door of the restaurant, we heard a voice calling us from behind, “ Wait, wait, I like to speak with you. “ We looked back and found the waiter walking towards us. He said, “ I have worked here for the past 12 years, and no one has ever appreciated my service. “ He cried. “ I have been trying to do a good job. I will never forget tonight the warm note from you. “ And I will always keep your notes with me. Thank you. “

The waiter feel appreciated for his good service and we have made someone happy that night.

Words of Encouragement

A word of encouragement will inspire a person to excel. This world will be a better place if we:-

· Call someone to say, “ Hi, “ and to see how he or she is doing;

· Encourage friends or co-workers to do their best;

· Stop to talk with people in your neighborhood or work place;

· Help someone with an assignment or project;

· Say “ Good job “ to someone after the or she has really worked hard;

· Cheer for a friend or colleague at a sports game, concert, plays or other performance;

· Talk with co-workers about their goals;

· Help someone work through a conflict.

There are two kinds of people in this world, those who pill you up and those who pill you down. When you notice the good things about others – and tell them – you become a pull-up person. Noticing and sincerely complimenting others has a tremendous influence on their productivity, their health – even their longevity. Make it a habit to say something positive to people on a daily basis.

Show Interest in Others

When managers and leaders in an organization notice the needs and the contribution of the people they lead, it inspires co-workers to notice one another. The result is a workforce that feels cared for and therefore connected. Caring about others means noticing who they are. What is someone’s life like when he or she leaves the office. What do they care about ? When you care about those around you, you will naturally be curious to know who they are and ask questions to find out. Ask about their home life, their families, their hobbies – without being intrusive, of course. But if people sense that you truly want to know them, they will usually be more than willing to share.

In How to win friends and Influence people, Dale Carnegie advises, “ Become genuinely interested in other people… be a good listener. Encourage people to talk about themselves.. Talk in terms of other person’s interests … make the other person feel important.. and do it sincerely. “ Seven decades later, his book is still a household staple, and people flock to Dale Carnegie courses. That’s because human being understand that the most important thing we can do is to care and connect with others.

Express Compliments

One of the most important ways we can show people we care is by telling them. Mother Teresa said. “ Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” Mark Twain put it another way, saying, “ I can live for two months on one good compliment. “ We all need compliments. We all need to know that we are noticed and appreciated and our efforts are recognized. When you take a moment to notice someone’s greatness and tell him or her about it, you give a gift that will always be remembered.

A group of my friends and myself attended the Born to Win seminar in Zig Ziglar series in Las Vegas in 1996. In the program, we have learned to recognize others’ positive attributes and write personal notes to one another, beginning with the word, “ I like you because …… “ it could be something simple like “ I like you because you smiled at me. “ Or “ I like you because you asked about my family. “ At the end of the program all of us feel really good about ourselves. Three of is went for dinner together and at a restaurant. At the end of the dinner, we have decided to write a short note to the waiter who was serving us. We wrote, “ I like you because you have provided us an excellent service. “ “ I like you because you greeted us warmly. “ and “ I like you because you have served us delicious food. “ We left the note on the table and we walked out of the restaurant.

About 20 feet from the main door of the restaurant, we heard a voice calling us from behind, “ Wait, wait, I like to speak with you. “ We looked back and found the waiter walking towards us. He said, “ I have worked here for the past 12 years, and no one has ever appreciated my service. “ He cried. “ I have been trying to do a good job. I will never forget tonight the warm note from you. “ And I will always keep your notes with me. Thank you. “

The waiter feel appreciated for his good service and we have made someone happy that night.

Words of Encouragement

A word of encouragement will inspire a person to excel. This world will be a better place if we:-

· Call someone to say, “ Hi, “ and to see how he or she is doing;

· Encourage friends or co-workers to do their best;

· Stop to talk with people in your neighborhood or work place;

· Help someone with an assignment or project;

· Say “ Good job “ to someone after the or she has really worked hard;

· Cheer for a friend or colleague at a sports game, concert, plays or other performance;

· Talk with co-workers about their goals;

· Help someone work through a conflict.

There are two kinds of people in this world, those who pill you up and those who pill you down. When you notice the good things about others – and tell them – you become a pull-up person. Noticing and sincerely complimenting others has a tremendous influence on their productivity, their health – even their longevity. Make it a habit to say something positive to people on a daily basis.

Does your life seem complicated?

Diane met Phil at a party. Something about him attracted her immediately and something about her attracted him immediately as well. The following day he called her and they arranged to go out that evening.

Phil turned out to be the perfect boyfriend: he filled Diane's house with beautiful flowers every Friday, whispered in her ears warm love words and let her into his heart faster than the speed of light. After a month or so of perfect euphoria, they had their first fight. It began with some little disagreement about a song that Diane loved and became a loud argument about the different fields of interest they had.

Diane was shocked that the same lovely guy she loved so much behaved so rudely and criticized and ridiculed her interests. Diane loves classical music and Phil thought it was conservative; violins drive him crazy and he refused to allow her to play that music when they were together. Of course he refused to come with her to concerts she liked so much. Diane couldn't understand how an intelligent and educated person like Phil loved to listen to Rap music and sometimes, goodness gracious, he is careless about table manners in restaurants. From that moment on, the couple found many points they didn't agree upon – their opinions were completely different!

For a while Diane, was really upset and the situation got worse; she knew that on one hand the potential of living with Phil was amazing but on the other hand, Phil didn't understand or respect her interests and to a certain degree didn't accept her as she was. The arguments got more frequent and the bouquets got smaller. With a heavy heart she called Michael, a close friend, to cry about the injustice in the world and her big disappointment in love.

Michael listened to Diane's complaints and immediately understood what was going on. “Diane,” said Michael carefully “I have only one question and tell me the truth: how would you really want Phil to treat you?” Diane answered immediately, “I would like Phil to respect my love of classical music, foreign movies and also the fact that I talk to my mother at least twice a day and love to go to sleep at 10pm. I would like to listen to classical music in my house without him turning up his nose, I would like him to come with me to a new Japanese movie and if he doesn't want to, at least he won't drive me crazy if I go to the movie with a friend instead. Besides, I would like him to get back from work early enough so that we will could spend time together without upsetting my habit of having early nights. Oh! And also I don't want him to be jealous about my contact with you or with my other friends; he hasn't said anything clearly but I feel he is a little suspicious every time we talk on the phone and he is nearby.”

Michael listened to her patiently and finally said: “Diane, I understand. Now, you remember I recently gave you a booklet with a picture of a dove on it? Or maybe it was with another cover?” Diane remembered and went to bring The Way to Happiness® booklet. The booklet was on some paper piled in the corner of her study and she hadn't had time to read it, despite Michael's eager recommendation.

“Please open chapter No. 20 and read aloud the title”. Diane did what he said and read, “Try to Treat Others as You Would Want Them to Treat You”. Well, so what are you actually implying?”

They continued to read the chapter over the phone until they reached the paragraph:

“Now there is an interesting phenomenon at work in human relations. When one person yells at another, the other has an impulse to yell back. One is treated pretty much the way he treats others: one actually sets an example of how he should be treated”.

Diane was shocked!

She suddenly realized that she is not patient about Phil's life: she is very critical about his friends who look “crazy” in her eyes, she disparages the music he prefers and she makes non-stop remarks about his style of dress.

Diane decided immediately to treat Phil as she would like him to treat her. She finished the conversation with Michael and went back to read closely chapter 20 in the booklet. She dwelled upon the part where it's written: “Now what do you suppose would happen if one were to try to treat those around him with justness, loyalty, good sportsmanship, fairness, honesty, kindness, consideration, compassion, self-control, tolerance, forgiveness, benevolence, belief, respect, politeness, dignity, admiration, friendliness, love, and did it with integrity?

It might take a while but don't you suppose that many others would then begin to try to treat one the same way?"

Diane continued to observe herself while studying chapter 20 and understood what she should do to save her relationship.

After about three months Diane sent a message: “Michael! You and your booklet are genius!!! You deserve a huge bouquet because yesterday I got a marriage proposal from Phil. I'm so excited.”

Michael couldn't wait and immediately called to hear details. Diane explained: “After our conversation I realized what I was doing wrong and how to improve it. I used the chapter we read. I applied the drill at the end of the chapter, the section on specializing every day on one virtue etc. I actually worked on myself and all the while I saw Phil suddenly resume being extremely charming. You wouldn't believe it but he bought me a couple of very expensive tickets to a concert so I could go with my mother!” “Wow! Diane that's incredible!!!” Michael said. “But Michael, although I was surprised by his support, I realized why it had happened. I might add that the tickets for the concert came two days after I cooked a big dinner for his 'disturbed' friends, the same friends I had hated him to meet at all before.”

It turns out the precept worked! Good treatment in the long run resulted in good treatment on the part of Phil. At first she did not even tell him about Michael's advice, but she began behaving according to it, and instead of criticizing, used tolerance and acceptance, instead of scorn, they shared consideration and respect. And soon also a wedding.

Today, Diane knows that a person can influence the behavior of others towards him or her - in relationships in the family or at work. Would you like many other people to know this and be helped by the information in this booklet?

Do not let yourself Stagnate

When I was small, I used to live in the village surrounding with backyard pond. When I first put water in the pond, it was healthy and vibrant. It will support fish and plant life. But if I keep the same old water in the pond for weeks, pretty soon it gets stagnant. The fish and plant life in the pond become poisoned with waste and eventually die. For the pond to support life, you have to recirculate the water or, better yet, add new water frequently. When you do that, the fish and plants will thrive for a long time.

Like a pond, each of us has a certain amount of mental, emotional and physical “ water “ – meaning our thoughts, our actions, our history and so on – at any given time. That water does a pretty good job of supporting our lives at their current levels. But unless we add fresh water all the time in the form of new experiences, new ways of thinking, new beliefs and new ideas, then we too become stagnant.

The last time you were faced with a new idea or a different way of looking at something, how difficult did you find it to open up to opportunities ? All too often we get stuck in our prejudices and old ideas because we feel they are right. We do not even see opportunities until we are forced to do so. Closing yourself to opportunities keeps you stagnant and in today’s accelerated world of life and business, stagnant means failure. Stagnant means never growing or learning, as we were born to do.

Just think about the changes that have occurred in the past 10 to 20 years. The internet. Cell Phones. Podcasts, Instant text messages, and now the IPhone. Today you can be halfway around the world from loved ones and or business associates, and see them through videocast and hear them via satellite phone. New drugs and treatments can cure diseases once thought incurable. You can be in your company headquarters in the Kuching, go to a computer and change manufacturing specification for a product in a factory in the US, and the machine in US automatically will implement the change.

Now imagine what would happen if you closed your mind to all these opportunities. You’d still be using a rotary telephone and doing business by fax and snail mail. It would take days or weeks to make changes in your company’s products. You might not benefit from the latest medical treatments because you were not interested in any ‘ newfangled’ medicine.

In the same way you need to open up the opportunities represented by the technological innovations that surround you constantly, it is even more important that you open up to the opportunities that life constantly presents to us and embrace the changes that come our way. If we do so, then we find ourselves growing – almost without having to think about it.

As Sommerset Maugham has once said:- It is a funny thing about life. If you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it. Thus stay connected with new ideas all the time to stay ahead of time.

Some of my management and leadership published articles

This evening, I am very glad to publish on this web some of the selected management and leadership articles.

Altogether, I have published 102 articles up to November 2nd, 2008. My recent interest is on Getting Connected with people and over the next 6 months, I shall be putting my thoughts on how to stay connected with your co-workers, friends and family members.

Please enjoy reading.


November 2nd 2008 at 8.25pm Malaysia time

A leader has high ethics

A young executive recently said to me, "How can I worry about ethics when our company is involved in a hostile takeover and we're fighting for our very existence?"

My answer was, "You don't have to put ethics on the shelf while doing corporate battle. Without ethics, even if you win you lose." Every time we say or do something unethical we chip away at the foundations of our moral character and the reputation of our organization. If we're going to make a difference we must set examples of high ethics for others to follow.

I'm sure that you agree that the prime purpose of businesses is to make profit. But when profits become the only measure of success, we've lost sight of our shared values. When unethical business practices create unfair situations that go beyond a healthy competitive environment we are in deep trouble. In a competitive market, doing business often involves beating out the other guy, getting the best of the deal, turning one million into five million. In this adversarial climate clear definitions of ethics can be difficult. How do you know when an action is a brilliant tactic or unscrupulous double-dealing? One way is to ask yourself if this action might harm an individual or business.

No one ever said that being ethical is easy. We live in a world with more and more ethical gray areas. Circumstances pull at us every day urging us to take the easy way out, to twist something just a little, or to close our eyes for just a second. Acts of omission can be just as unethical as acts of commission. Saying and doing nothing can be just as unethical as the committed act. The distinction between what is legal and what is unethical has become blurred.

Human Values

Business problems are ultimately human problems and so, human values must be applied to their solutions. These human values and solutions come from you and me.
The good news is that the profit motive and social responsibility can coexist and prosper when we operate with high ethical standards and compassion. The stronger our ethical behavior, the better leaders we become. Harry J. Gray, former Chairman of United Technologies said, "How we perform as individuals determines how we perform as a nation."

Situational Ethics

Each of us makes daily decisions about our ethical behavior in various situations; thus we live with situational ethics. Since we are not perfect, we rarely operate consistently at the highest ethical level. Instead, the best we can do is to try to develop the wisdom and judgment to get as close to perfection as possible. For example, absolute honesty means never lie. That sounds like a good idea. But all of us have told "white lies" to keep from hurting someone's feelings.
Remember the last time a friend ask if you liked his or her new clothing, If you didn't, there was little point in saying so. If you found a neutral comment that was appropriate but that did not tell the absolute truth, are you unethical? Most of us would answer "no" So we use our experience (wisdom and judgment) and our conscience (moral character and integrity) to tell us how far we stray from absolute honesty.
Situational ethics or not, if something is ethically or morally repugnant on a personal scale, it is equally repugnant in our jobs and professions. In both areas, our personal lives and our business lives, the leader sets the standards, tries to live by them, and communicates the same expectation to others.

Shared Values

In advanced countries their pledge of allegiance say, "with Liberty and justice for all." If our nation is to remain great we must reestablish what our forefathers created for us. In the new decade just ahead we need to work together for our common interests, hopes and values, more than ever before We must examine our personal standard of conduct--our ethics, and have the courage to turn the spot light on our actions, habits and examples.

Our differences are part of our great strength. We are a melting pot of peoples, religions and ideas. Out of this wonderfully diverse mixture has come our shared values system of ethical values. You make a difference as a leader when you set an example of high ethics.

Coaching for Result

Last Saturday, I wrote if a person can be groomed to be a leader ? A number of Eastern Times readers whoｍ　Ｉmet on my flight to Kuala Lumpur talked to me in the flight. We discussed about leadership[ grooming and personal coaching.

One of them, Mr. Pui， asked me, “John, one of my staff’s performance is under par. What can I do to help him　 ? “

We discussed the need to identify his staff’s competency gap and provide one to one coaching. This week, I will talk about coaching and next week, I shall discuss about competency gap analysis.

Coaching

Coaching focuses on the individual. It can be responsible for enhancing morale, motivating and increasing productivity and reducing staff turnover as individuals feel valued and connected with their organization.

It can achieve a balance between fulfilling organizational goals and objectives and the personal development needs of the individual. It is a two-way relationship with significant benefits for both.

A good coach is be able to relate to the individual - stimulate and inspire them. They could have faced similar challenges as the individual and will understand the complexities of the commercial environment. They can sometimes help bring out the creativeness and problem solving skills that often get lost in the day-to-day delivery of work.

Location, location, location

Coaching invariably takes place at an individual’s place of work and, unlike attending a course, can be tailored to suit individual and company needs. I have developed a series of coaching clinics for one major blue chip organization in which recipients were able to enjoy the benefits of support for short bites, within their working day, without the need to spend long periods of time out of the workplace.

Coaching can be very effective where people have the right skills or qualities, but are not getting the results they really want. Through a short series of coaching sessions, enormous changes can be achieved. Along with some valuable thinking time, coaching can help people understand and improve working relationships and achieve focus and clarity in their work.


Fast track to a new role

Coaching can shorten the learning curve of those with new roles and help them adapt more quickly to a changing environment. By focusing on individuals, and helping them to achieve their potential, coaching can demonstrate a company’s commitment to achieving business growth through people.

Our coaching programs had originally been designed to help embed changes quickly and effectively within the company’s global organization while at the same time deliver some real investment in its people.


Before coaching could begin, we used to carry out group training exercises to see where individuals were at and to develop a greater understanding of training needs.

A leadership workshop then looked at some theoretical areas and tools – team dynamics and drivers for instance. From here a tailored coaching program, aligned to current work issues, was developed for each individual.

Working with us, you will be encouraged to talk through an individual’s needs and timescales for change. We provided the theory and tools to help develop one’s leadership style while coaching him/her on how he/she could deliver what was required.

From the start the emphasis is very much upon driving the individual to deliver change for themselves. That’s why it is important to be open and honest about your needs. There is a huge difference between being aware there is a problem and having the willingness to deal with it. I had a great rapport with my coach and it was clear that the individual had my best interests at heart.

It wasn’t about identifying deficiencies but about opening up the communication channels to talk about how I could meet my goals.

‘‘ Coaching doesn’t seek to resolve deeper underlying issues like poor motivation, low self-esteem and poor job performance. It is more concerned with the practical issues of setting goals and achieving results within specific timescales. ’’

Expectations

One of the golden rules of coaching is to agree expectations from the start. Through discussion, there needs to be clarity of the outcomes expected from the forthcoming coaching sessions. Here, the coach and coachee need to agree some key benchmarks that can be used as measures of success.

If the coaching is team-based, then the organization’s Mission and Objectives can be used to help set benchmarks.

Performance

Coaching enhances skills and ability and can raise a person’s game. It gives individuals the opportunity to review themselves, their performance and identify where enhancements can be made.

All coaching should lead to improved performance. Requirements in terms of the extent and urgency of that improvement, as well as time availability of those to be coached, will all help to determine the most effective means of delivering coaching. For it to work well, the individual and organization need to be engaged and, to this end, setting objectives and committing to them is important.

For individuals at any level, a series of approximately six coaching sessions, up to a maximum of half a day at each session, can be of enormous benefit. This kind of coaching can be intense. After all, it is encouraging people to confront issues and challenge themselves, so there is a need to ensure that this is balanced with appropriate levels of support and encouragement.

Jeremy, one of my coachee, reached a crucial point in his career when his role expanded from a Project and Line Manager of 15 people to an acting role looking after a department of chemists.


One-to-one coaching was arranged on the basis of one half day session per month initially.

Jeremy said:- I was aware that I needed to develop my interpersonal and communication skills. I have an open culture with consultants from Acme Strategic Consultants, which is great, and this allowed me to be openly critical of myself. Through coaching I feel I am now far more effective. The coaching centred on finding areas which needed developing and then, using similar scenarios, role-playing the situation to understand the issues.


Specific areas of development focused on how to communicate better with clear messages, learning through body language and how to prepare for difficult situations. Inter-personal skills around working with colleagues at all levels were also explored, including when and when not to get involved in specific issues and how to handle conflict.

Jeremy added:- I had some gaps in my skills and this has helped me look at myself and develop. It also gained me greater responsibility and ultimately promotion within the organisation.

Clear goals

For the individual, identifying and agreeing key outcomes from sessions is crucial and as these are explored it’s possible to identify needs more specifically.

Jeremy said: Coaching creates time to consider what am I doing with someone who has no political interest in our business. There are no underlying assumptions, and so by rehearsing the arguments in a safe environment things can become much clearer.

I tend to underplay my own value and my coach has helped me prepare for important presentations and meetings so that I can position myself more clearly to the audience and influence them appropriately. Having a coach means I can go through issues, ensure I have covered all the angles and rehearse so that I will be understood and present my views with confidence.

Jeremy’s coaching has been ongoing for two years, about half a day every two months with the option to approach his coach for more when appropriate. Jeremy sees coaching as a stable ongoing resource for the future.

Conclusion

We usually hold a review with the individual to assess the ‘‘journey.’’ The recipient of the coaching considers the story so far. What were the issues, the barriers, the objectives, the learning and the successes to date?

It is also useful for recipients to gather some hard data on the learning. For example, it may be that they have learned how to actively listen to colleagues by paraphrasing in difficult situations.


They should record, in writing, how they have been using what they have learned and the results. Doing this will reinforce new behaviors and help them in the future. This can then be incorporated into Performance Development Plans and further developed over time. Indeed, the learning from coaching will be most effective if it is introduced and applied with confidence as part of every-day working, with subsequent reviews and discussions over the longer term.

How Did I Get There ?

While sitting down on what to write for this week, I had a book in my hand titled “ How did I get there ? written by Barbara De Angelis, the Golden Gavel recipient 2007. This book is about finding ways to renewed hope and happiness when life take unexpected turns.

As we are celebrating the Chinese New Year, I asked myself a few questions:-
“ How do we move from where we are now to wherever it is I am supposed to go next ? “
“ How do we follow roads that we cannot find, and paths that seem to lead nowhere ? “
" How do we traverse the great chasms of fear, regret, sadness or confusion that we must often cross in order to find our way out of the darkness ? “

" How do we turn dead ends into doorways ? “ “ How do we navigate through unexpected times ? “

My mentor had told me a story of 3 Buddhist monks. “ One day a young student monk had been invited to mediate with 2 senior monks by the lake side. The three men took a long walk to the lake and sat down by the shore getting ready to mediate. The first senior monk while ready to mediate, “ Oh no, I forgot my meditation mat,” he explained. He walked in the lake without fail to get his mat. He came back in a short while. They were ready for the meditation. The second monk, said, “ Oh, I forgot my meditation sun mat, I need to get it. “ Thus the second monk walked through the lake to get his mat. The second monk came back within 5 minutes.

The young student were thinking, “ why the 2 monks showed off their skills of walking in the lake ? “ “ Why they did not teach me ? “ The young student decided to walk in the lake too. But before he can do so, he sank into the lake. He tried, tried and tried, but he sank, sank and sank. The two monks were looking at each other and the senior monk told the young student, “ Why did you not ask us where are the stones in the lake ? When you walked where the stones are, you will be alright. “ “ Young man, why you did not ask us ? “ asked the senior monk.
The moral of the story is that to prosper in life, we need someone to guide us to avoid the pitfalls, to avoid mistakes and to achieve success. If the young student had asked the two other monks about their secret of walking in the lake, he would not have fallen and sank into the lake.

Thus to be a successful leader, we need a mentor to guide us. During the Chinese New Year holiday, let us think:- “ What do we want to achieve in the coming months ? “ “ Who can help us to achieve our goals ? “ “ Is the individual willing to help us to realize our dream ? “

When I was working in Michael Weinig, a German company, I had 3 mentors who helped, coached and guided me – I become the 1st Asian to hold the position of Head of Marketing. And in Toastmasters, I have not less than 20 mentors who always shared their experience with me – I become the 1st Malaysian to be elected as International Director in August, 2005. Indeed, my mentors have helped me in my journey both in the business world and in non governmental organization.

However, to achieve our goal, we need to face the fact of life by being face to face with the Gap.

Face to Face with the Gap

Even when we want to move forward in our lives, even when we have spent long enough questioning, contemplating, digging and examining, it is not easy. This is especially true when we come face to face with the Gap.

I used to share a story with my friends whenever we encounter with the Gap issue.
“ You are standing on the edge of a cliff, high above the ground. Across from you,. You know there is another cliff, one you want very much to be on. Perhaps you can see it clearly and can imagine how you will feel when you are finally there. Perhaps the other side is covered by clouds or mist, and even through you believe it is there, you can’t see it at all. You know you do not want to stay where you are for much longer, you know it is time to jump. “

“ Then you look down at the huge gap of space between the two cliffs, and in that moment, you become over-whelmed with FEAR – fear of falling, fear of not having what it takes to get to the other side; fear of getting there and changing your mind and not having a way to get back; fear that if you leap, you may have to leave behind something or someone you care deeply about. “

“ You can hear your dreams, calling to you, reminding you of how badly you want whatever it is that’s waiting for you on that other cliff, that you’ll never be happy if you stay where you are now, that you have been putting this off for too long already. But you can also hear the voices of people you know standing near you – some trying to talk you out of jumping to the other side, some angry with you for leaving them behind, still others warning you that you are making a big mistake. And so you remain where you are, looking behind you, looking ahead of you, frozen and unable to leap. “

In life, we all come to a moment in our transformation energy when we find ourselves standing on the edge of s symbolic cliff, knowing that we need to find the courage to jump and somehow get to the other side. We stare at a gap between where we are and where we want to be, with no idea of how we are going to get across.

Perhaps we know we do not want to live the life we have had in its old form, but we are not sure what our new life should look like. Perhaps we have finally come to terms with the fact that our marriage is not a fulfilling as we want to be, but we are not sure what to do to make it work again or if we should even try. Perhaps we have lost a loved one or a job or our health or our financial security and know we need to find the courage to move forward in spite of it, but cannot seem to figure out exactly how to begin again.

It is our nature as human beings to want to feel safe and in control, to orient ourselves by looking around and recognizing people, places and patterns that are familiar. When we confront what appears to be a void stretching before us, we become frightened and often cling more tightly to whatever it is we need to let go to.
This dread of facing that gap is one of the forces that keeps us from getting out of bed, that keeps us from getting out of bed, that keeps us treading water rather than swimming to the shore, that keeps us frozen in inaction.

All growth requires the courage to let go as we jump from one cliff to the next, from who we have been to who we hope to be, leaving behind our comfort zone and leaping, at least temporarily, into the unknown.

Even when we are unhappy in an unfulfilling career or a passionless relationship, still, it is familiar territory, and what is familiar feels safe to us. “ At least I know where I am standing now,” we tell ourselves. “ At least I am familiar with my pain, my unhappiness, my lack of contentment. But if I leave this behind and leap, who knows where I will end up ? “

Conclusion

My personal experience tell me that to progress in life, we need someone who had walked the journey to guide, to share and to mentor us. We must be willing to face the reality in life by finding out what we need to shape to achieve our goals. May I wish all readers a Blessed and Happy Chinese New Year.