Building Good Working Relationship by being connected

Relationships can often seem like fragile things – especially in the workplace where they are often built and destroyed by the actions we take.

I have been interested in how people build relationships since I was 12. End of 2007, I went on a week’s training event where a group of us were encouraged to look at our behaviour as it happened. My most important insight from this experience was that we have the technical resources and material to solve all the problems we have. What is missing is the willingness and the skills to work together. This requires us to listen to each other; indeed, listening is the underlying skill required in all good relationships. The ability to listen attentively is the key to being connected with people.

WHY BUILD WORKING RELATIONSHIPS?

Society is a web of relationships, requiring all parties to work together in order to create something that is good. But what makes society work even better are relationships that are positive, co-operative and respectful. In this way everyone works for the good of the whole and towards a common purpose. This demands effective relationships based on mutual understanding.

If you understand what people want and why they want it, you can usually find a way to make progress together. The best way to understand is to listen and observe without making premature judgments. In my experience, active listening can help you discover, remarkably, that we want the same things.

High-quality relationships make you happy. It’s often the case that some of the happiest people in the world live in the poorest communities. I have met people from Nepal in August, 2008 who had almost nothing material but who radiated contentment because they shared a life together. If your key relationships are working, happiness is possible in most circumstances.

My Client’s Experience

One of my corporate client, Geoff told me that in order to make working relationships more effective, we should treat ourselves and each other with respect. Respect is the core of any good relationship. We show respect by listening to the other person and by trying to understand how they view things. Quickly forming judgments based on prejudice is the complete opposite of respect. You can respect people (even if you find their behaviour difficult to understand) by acknowledging that they are doing the best they can when their circumstances and history are taken into account.

Geoff, is a person who used appreciative inquiry in his work place. He appreciates everyone’s work, he sees the good in every body, he respects people and never judge a person. He faced differences directly. In a conversation where each person listens to the others, you may each discover a new truth that integrates (say) two opposing perspectives. This is more rewarding than the alternatives – for example, withdrawing, fighting, grumbling to someone else or plotting. Learning to face differences takes time and can be uncomfortable, but confronting and attempting to understand them is a good, stretching discomfort.

Work towards solutions where both parties win. I believe profoundly that win–win solutions are possible and they should always be our goal. If we both feel we have gained from resolving a difference, then we will be more willing to co-operate again in future. This builds exciting and satisfying relationships.


WHAT CAN HELP?

In exploring what helps us to build good working relationships to being connected with people, may I pass on some thoughts that has been drawn from personal experience and from some of the consultancy in which I have been involved.

· At least one party should decide the relationship is important.



If I decide my relationship with someone is important, then I will invest time and energy to understand that person’s needs and to deal with anything that gets in the way. (It’s easier if the other person thinks it’s important too, but not essential.) Even if I try and fail, I will know that I gave it my best shot and can gain comfort from that.



· Learn to listen effectively, and without judging.



Effective and non-judgemental listening will help you to understand the other person or people. When someone listens to you, both your own sense of worth and the worth of the listener increases. Judging another person almost always creates distance and defensiveness.



· Meet people informally, so they feel comfortable raising issues that are important to them.


Most people feel more relaxed in informal settings. If you are intending to meet with someone with the specific purpose of developing your relationship with that person, think about holding the meeting in a setting in which he or she will feel comfortable. When people are relaxed they are more able to speak about what is important to them.


· Develop a culture whereby people can express their feelings.

We create relationships by sharing thoughts and feelings. When we express happiness, joy, contentment, anger, irritation, sadness or fear we feel more vulnerable, but we can also feel more connected. Unexpressed feelings can get in the way of building closeness. It is difficult for two people to have a useful conversation if one of them is unaware that the other is angry about something the he or she said or did. There is a good chance that this will result in a cold or aggressive atmosphere when these two people meet, and this will get in the way. Organisational cultures that encourage people to connect can generate a passionate commitment to achieve wonderful things together.

In conclusion, we can build good working relationships if we listen, appreciate, see the good of people, work towards solutions, deal with issues and you will always be connected with people.