The ability to connect is the power that lies at the core of both personal and professional success. When a child is born, he must connect with his mother for food and care. And we are just talking about physical connection, our need for emotional connection is just important as well. In fact, if babies do not receive emotional connection from caregivers, they can wither away. It is called failure to thrive syndrome and it can kill or emotionally cripple babies who grow up in institutions or other situations where they do not receive the love and connection they need.
In a workshop in Kota Kinabalu on Leading and Managing People recently, one of the participant asked me what are the key elements to stay connected in our daily life.
I shared with him the meaning of CONNECT. It is to feel and or create a strong, positive relationship with someone or something. The ultimate result of this relationship should be uplifting both for the individual and others.
When we talk about the power to connect, there are three key elements:-
First, to connect there must be an emotional link. Connecting is built around emotion. You can use your mind to connect with something or someone, but until you get your emotions involved, it is a weak connection at best. When you first join a company, you may or may not connect to the organization. But as you develop relationships with your team members and feel that you are contributing to the company’s mission, then you create an emotional link: you connect. You can feel connected to a team or a group of people, most of us feel connected to our family, for instance. You also can feel connected to an organization or to an idea, mission or concept.
Second, to connect we must create a strong feeling. Most of us do not feel especially connected with our casual acquaintances because we do not feel strongly about them. We do feel connected with really good friends because the emotions we take our belief we experience in those relationships are a lot stronger. It is like the difference between watching a football game on TV for your entertainment value and strongly to your cheering for your hometown team. Your feelings about he outcome of the game are a whole stronger because you are watching “ your “ team. It is also possible to connect with an idea concept, or belief as long as we feel strongly about it. To connect, we take our belief in something and link it to our emotions. I feel strongly about my faith as a Christian. You may connect strongly to your personal mission in life and your family.
Third, to connect is to create a positive, uplifting relationship. You can feel strongly about someone and hate that person’s guts, but I would not consider that a positive, uplifting relationship I also would not categorize gangs, or abusive relationships or movements like fascism as positive or uplifting. All of these can create strong emotional links between people, but the results are terrible.
I strongly believe that we are successful when we connect to an uplifting purpose in ways that produce positive, uplifting relationships. Great organizations foster the right kinds of connections between the company, its mission, and its employees. Some 20 years ago when I was working for an wood-processing equipment firm based in Kuala Lumpur, we gathered all the top management staff together to move outside the box to transform the company and the lives of the people who worked there. We want to win over all the small and medium sized woodworking manufacturers with a difference. We were in the timber downstream business to have value-added products from wood waste. We wanted to create value-added business for the timber industries by reducing wastage. After the meeting, we held a customer party to inform them of our goal. We asked our customers – what are their goals. We shared our goals. We stayed connected with them and they supported us by installing the equipment that we marketed.
Staying connected in building success through people, purpose and performance. The key is our commitment to an organization or team’s goals, mission and vision. We create an environment of excitement, fun and togetherness by staying connected with our clients, family members and friends. We can understand their needs so that we can provide solutions to meet their needs.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Building Good Working Relationship by being connected
Relationships can often seem like fragile things – especially in the workplace where they are often built and destroyed by the actions we take.
I have been interested in how people build relationships since I was 12. End of 2007, I went on a week’s training event where a group of us were encouraged to look at our behaviour as it happened. My most important insight from this experience was that we have the technical resources and material to solve all the problems we have. What is missing is the willingness and the skills to work together. This requires us to listen to each other; indeed, listening is the underlying skill required in all good relationships. The ability to listen attentively is the key to being connected with people.
WHY BUILD WORKING RELATIONSHIPS?
Society is a web of relationships, requiring all parties to work together in order to create something that is good. But what makes society work even better are relationships that are positive, co-operative and respectful. In this way everyone works for the good of the whole and towards a common purpose. This demands effective relationships based on mutual understanding.
If you understand what people want and why they want it, you can usually find a way to make progress together. The best way to understand is to listen and observe without making premature judgments. In my experience, active listening can help you discover, remarkably, that we want the same things.
High-quality relationships make you happy. It’s often the case that some of the happiest people in the world live in the poorest communities. I have met people from Nepal in August, 2008 who had almost nothing material but who radiated contentment because they shared a life together. If your key relationships are working, happiness is possible in most circumstances.
My Client’s Experience
One of my corporate client, Geoff told me that in order to make working relationships more effective, we should treat ourselves and each other with respect. Respect is the core of any good relationship. We show respect by listening to the other person and by trying to understand how they view things. Quickly forming judgments based on prejudice is the complete opposite of respect. You can respect people (even if you find their behaviour difficult to understand) by acknowledging that they are doing the best they can when their circumstances and history are taken into account.
Geoff, is a person who used appreciative inquiry in his work place. He appreciates everyone’s work, he sees the good in every body, he respects people and never judge a person. He faced differences directly. In a conversation where each person listens to the others, you may each discover a new truth that integrates (say) two opposing perspectives. This is more rewarding than the alternatives – for example, withdrawing, fighting, grumbling to someone else or plotting. Learning to face differences takes time and can be uncomfortable, but confronting and attempting to understand them is a good, stretching discomfort.
Work towards solutions where both parties win. I believe profoundly that win–win solutions are possible and they should always be our goal. If we both feel we have gained from resolving a difference, then we will be more willing to co-operate again in future. This builds exciting and satisfying relationships.
WHAT CAN HELP?
In exploring what helps us to build good working relationships to being connected with people, may I pass on some thoughts that has been drawn from personal experience and from some of the consultancy in which I have been involved.
· At least one party should decide the relationship is important.
If I decide my relationship with someone is important, then I will invest time and energy to understand that person’s needs and to deal with anything that gets in the way. (It’s easier if the other person thinks it’s important too, but not essential.) Even if I try and fail, I will know that I gave it my best shot and can gain comfort from that.
· Learn to listen effectively, and without judging.
Effective and non-judgemental listening will help you to understand the other person or people. When someone listens to you, both your own sense of worth and the worth of the listener increases. Judging another person almost always creates distance and defensiveness.
· Meet people informally, so they feel comfortable raising issues that are important to them.
Most people feel more relaxed in informal settings. If you are intending to meet with someone with the specific purpose of developing your relationship with that person, think about holding the meeting in a setting in which he or she will feel comfortable. When people are relaxed they are more able to speak about what is important to them.
· Develop a culture whereby people can express their feelings.
We create relationships by sharing thoughts and feelings. When we express happiness, joy, contentment, anger, irritation, sadness or fear we feel more vulnerable, but we can also feel more connected. Unexpressed feelings can get in the way of building closeness. It is difficult for two people to have a useful conversation if one of them is unaware that the other is angry about something the he or she said or did. There is a good chance that this will result in a cold or aggressive atmosphere when these two people meet, and this will get in the way. Organisational cultures that encourage people to connect can generate a passionate commitment to achieve wonderful things together.
In conclusion, we can build good working relationships if we listen, appreciate, see the good of people, work towards solutions, deal with issues and you will always be connected with people.
I have been interested in how people build relationships since I was 12. End of 2007, I went on a week’s training event where a group of us were encouraged to look at our behaviour as it happened. My most important insight from this experience was that we have the technical resources and material to solve all the problems we have. What is missing is the willingness and the skills to work together. This requires us to listen to each other; indeed, listening is the underlying skill required in all good relationships. The ability to listen attentively is the key to being connected with people.
WHY BUILD WORKING RELATIONSHIPS?
Society is a web of relationships, requiring all parties to work together in order to create something that is good. But what makes society work even better are relationships that are positive, co-operative and respectful. In this way everyone works for the good of the whole and towards a common purpose. This demands effective relationships based on mutual understanding.
If you understand what people want and why they want it, you can usually find a way to make progress together. The best way to understand is to listen and observe without making premature judgments. In my experience, active listening can help you discover, remarkably, that we want the same things.
High-quality relationships make you happy. It’s often the case that some of the happiest people in the world live in the poorest communities. I have met people from Nepal in August, 2008 who had almost nothing material but who radiated contentment because they shared a life together. If your key relationships are working, happiness is possible in most circumstances.
My Client’s Experience
One of my corporate client, Geoff told me that in order to make working relationships more effective, we should treat ourselves and each other with respect. Respect is the core of any good relationship. We show respect by listening to the other person and by trying to understand how they view things. Quickly forming judgments based on prejudice is the complete opposite of respect. You can respect people (even if you find their behaviour difficult to understand) by acknowledging that they are doing the best they can when their circumstances and history are taken into account.
Geoff, is a person who used appreciative inquiry in his work place. He appreciates everyone’s work, he sees the good in every body, he respects people and never judge a person. He faced differences directly. In a conversation where each person listens to the others, you may each discover a new truth that integrates (say) two opposing perspectives. This is more rewarding than the alternatives – for example, withdrawing, fighting, grumbling to someone else or plotting. Learning to face differences takes time and can be uncomfortable, but confronting and attempting to understand them is a good, stretching discomfort.
Work towards solutions where both parties win. I believe profoundly that win–win solutions are possible and they should always be our goal. If we both feel we have gained from resolving a difference, then we will be more willing to co-operate again in future. This builds exciting and satisfying relationships.
WHAT CAN HELP?
In exploring what helps us to build good working relationships to being connected with people, may I pass on some thoughts that has been drawn from personal experience and from some of the consultancy in which I have been involved.
· At least one party should decide the relationship is important.
If I decide my relationship with someone is important, then I will invest time and energy to understand that person’s needs and to deal with anything that gets in the way. (It’s easier if the other person thinks it’s important too, but not essential.) Even if I try and fail, I will know that I gave it my best shot and can gain comfort from that.
· Learn to listen effectively, and without judging.
Effective and non-judgemental listening will help you to understand the other person or people. When someone listens to you, both your own sense of worth and the worth of the listener increases. Judging another person almost always creates distance and defensiveness.
· Meet people informally, so they feel comfortable raising issues that are important to them.
Most people feel more relaxed in informal settings. If you are intending to meet with someone with the specific purpose of developing your relationship with that person, think about holding the meeting in a setting in which he or she will feel comfortable. When people are relaxed they are more able to speak about what is important to them.
· Develop a culture whereby people can express their feelings.
We create relationships by sharing thoughts and feelings. When we express happiness, joy, contentment, anger, irritation, sadness or fear we feel more vulnerable, but we can also feel more connected. Unexpressed feelings can get in the way of building closeness. It is difficult for two people to have a useful conversation if one of them is unaware that the other is angry about something the he or she said or did. There is a good chance that this will result in a cold or aggressive atmosphere when these two people meet, and this will get in the way. Organisational cultures that encourage people to connect can generate a passionate commitment to achieve wonderful things together.
In conclusion, we can build good working relationships if we listen, appreciate, see the good of people, work towards solutions, deal with issues and you will always be connected with people.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Life is a reflection of yourself
A little boy and his father were walking on the mountains.
Suddenly, his son falls, hurts himself and screams:
"AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"
To his surprise, he hears the voice repeating,
somewhere in the mountain:
"AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"
Curious, the little boy yells: "Who are you?"
He receives the answer: "Who are you?"
And then the boy screams to the mountain: "You're Stupid"
The voice answers: "You're Stupid"
Frustrated at the response, the boy screams: "I Hate You"
He receives the answer: "I Hate You"
He looks to his father and asks: "What's going on?"
The father smiles and says: "My son, pay attention."
The man screams: "You are a champion!"
The voice answers: "You are a champion!"
The boy is surprised, but does not understand.
Then the father explains: "People call this ECHO, but
really this is LIFE. It gives you back everything you
say or do. Our life is simply a reflection of our actions.
If you want more love in the world, create
more love in your heart. If you want people
to respect you, respect them.
This relationship applies to everything, in all
aspects of life. Life will give you back
everything you have given to it.
Your Life is not a Coincidence.
It's a Reflection of You!
Suddenly, his son falls, hurts himself and screams:
"AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"
To his surprise, he hears the voice repeating,
somewhere in the mountain:
"AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!
Curious, the little boy yells: "Who are you?"
He receives the answer: "Who are you?"
And then the boy screams to the mountain: "You're Stupid"
The voice answers: "You're Stupid"
Frustrated at the response, the boy screams: "I Hate You"
He receives the answer: "I Hate You"
He looks to his father and asks: "What's going on?"
The father smiles and says: "My son, pay attention."
The man screams: "You are a champion!"
The voice answers: "You are a champion!"
The boy is surprised, but does not understand.
Then the father explains: "People call this ECHO, but
really this is LIFE. It gives you back everything you
say or do. Our life is simply a reflection of our actions.
If you want more love in the world, create
more love in your heart. If you want people
to respect you, respect them.
This relationship applies to everything, in all
aspects of life. Life will give you back
everything you have given to it.
Your Life is not a Coincidence.
It's a Reflection of You!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
My leadership experience
So much has been said about servant leadership in corporate and voluntary organization in the past 10 years.
Servant leadership is not about the leader’s goals, a servant leader serves by working on behalf of others to help them achieve their goals. The idea behind servant leadership as formulated by Robert K. Greenleaf ( 1998 ), is that leadership derives naturally from a commitment to service. Serving others, including employees, customers, and this community, is the primary motivation for the servant leader. A servant leader is therefore a moral leader. Servant leadership has been accomplished when group members become wiser, healthier, and more autonomous.
PLACE SERVICE BEFORE SELF INTEREST
A servant leader is more concerned with helping others achieve their goals. It is a selfless leadership where the leader’s reward will be the success of the team members. A servant leader seeks to do what is morally right, even if it is not financially rewarding. A servant leader is conscious of the needs of others and is driven by a desire to satisfy them.
LISTEN FIRST TO EXPRESS CONFIDENCE IN OTHERS
Listening is the key trait of a servant leader. He or she listens to understand the concerns, requirements and problems of the group members. A servant leader never impose his or her will on others. He/she listens carefully so that he/she can advise the group member on the course of actions to be taken.
Through listening, a servant leader, for example, might learn that the group is more concerned about team spirit and harmony than striving for recognition. The leader then concentrate more on building teamwork than searching for ways to increase the visibility of the team.
INSPIRE TRUST BY BEING TRUSTWORTHY
Being trustworthy is a basic foundation of a servant leader. So he or she is scrupulously honest with others, ,gives up control, and focuses on the well being of others. The servant leader, however, does not have to work hard at being trustworthy because people who aspire to become such leaders already have high moral values.
A servant leader does not need a leadership title to serve the community. When a servant leader leaves office, he or she will groom the leaders who replace him or her.
FOCUS ON WHAT IS FEASIBLE TO ACCOMPLISH
A servant leader may be idealistic, he or she recognizes that an individual cannot accomplishes everything. Thus he or she will listens to all the problems of his or her team members and he or she will attend to the problems one after the other depending on the priority.
LEND A HAND
A servant leader looks for opportunities to play the Good Samaritan. On Wolfgang Wellington first day as Executive Chairman of Michael Weinig GmbH, where I have worked for 12 years, he opened the door for an employee carrying a desktop computer and picked up a piece of paper the staff carried. Wolfgang’s lending a hand service to his staff, has been the top talk among the 2000 employees in the organization.
PROVIDE TOOLS
A servant leader encourage the group members to tell him or her what they need to perform their jobs better. When giving an assignment, ask:- “ Do you have all the necessary tools and resources to get this done ? “
COMMITMENT FOR GROWTH OF PEOPLE
A servant leader believes that people have an intrinsic value beyond their tangible contributions as workers. As a result servant leaders are committed to the personal, professional and spiritual growth of each and every individual in the organization.
Thus they constantly seek to identify means for building community among those who work within a given institution.
CONCLUSION
Servant leadership has gained increasing support due to corporate collapses revealing the company to have very self interested leadership and a tiredness with the idea of leader as hero. Servant leadership gained support in the not-for-profit sector, but increasingly the ideas encapsulated in this view of leadership are being sees as relevant in business contexts.
People follows a servant leader because they trust them. One of the test of servant leadership is whether those whom they led have grown, whether they become wiser and more autonomous during the process and what is the effect on he least privilege in society.
God said NO
I asked God to take away my habit.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary
I asked God to grant me patience...
God said, No.
Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is learned.
I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.
God said, No.
Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is learned.
I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.
I asked God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
God said.......Ahhhh,finally you have the idea.
If you love God, send this to ten people and back to the person that sent it.
THIS DAY IS YOURS, DON'T THROW IT AWAY
May God Bless You,
'To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world.'
'May the Lord Bless you and keep you,
May the Lord Make his face shine upon you,
And give you Peace......Forever.'
'Good friends are like stars...You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.'
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