An Ork tree that resists the wind loses its branches one by one and with nothing left to protect it, trunk finally snaps. The oak that bends lives longer, its trunk growing wider, its roots deeper and more tenacious.
Does this sound familiar to us ? When we are being attacked by people, we learned about the mistakes that we made. From the mistakes, we learned to progress in life, we are smarter and wiser.
For the past years, I have learned to empty myself, unlearn and relearn. I learned to surrender to the call of nature and I emerged victorious every time.
When you are weaker, never fight for honor's sake, choose surrender instead. Surrender gives you time to recover, time to torment and ittitate your congureror, time to wait for his pwoer to wane. Do not give him the satisfaction of fighting and defeating you -- surrender first. By turning the other cheek you infuriate and unsettle him. Make surrender a tool of power. Do not resiste or fight back, but yield turn the other cheek, bend. You will find that this often neutralizes their behavior.
If you find yourself temporarily weakened, the surrender tactic is perfect for raising yourself up again -- it disguises your ambition; it teaches you patience and sefl control, key skills in the game; and it puts you in the best possible position for taking advantage of your oppressor's sudden slide. If you run or fight back, in the long tun you cannot win. If you surrender, you will almost awlasy emerge victoriois.
Monday, December 29, 2008
What has Breakfast to do with Discipline ?
It was report at AFP on Fri, Dec 26, 2008 that theories linked between food and sex.
--Quote --
Dec 26, 2008 AFP -- TOKYO - THERE are many theories on the links between food and sex, but Japanese researchers have came up with a new finding - young people who skip breakfast tend to lose their virginity earlier.
In a study of 3,000 people, those who did not regularly eat breakfast when in their early teens said they lost their virginity at an average age of 17.5, versus an overall average of age 19 for all Japanese.
For those who had a morning meal when they were younger, the average age of having the first sexual experience was 19.4.
The study, backed by Japan's health ministry, was aimed at finding ways to curb unwanted pregnancies. It concluded that a stable home life discouraged early sex.
'Those unhappy with their parents - such as for not preparing breakfast - may tend to find a way to release their frustration by having sex,' said Kunio Kitamura, head of the Japan Family Planning Association who led the research.
'If children don't feel comfortable in their family environment, they tend to go out,' he told AFP.
Additionally, young people who start having sex early tend to miss breakfast because they return home late, he said.
Japan has one of the world's lowest birthrates as more young people put off starting families, finding them a burden on their careers or lifestyles.
The survey also found that nearly 40 per cent of married couples had not had sex in more than a month.
Respondents said they were too tired because of work or found sex to be a pain, according to the study. -- AFP -- Unquote --
I can remember what my father told me 40 years ago:- " Families that prepare breakfast for their children are one who sleep earlier and wake up early for the day. This is considered as a good family. " He said, we need to prepare breakfast always for our kids so that they have a good day. It is considered as a family upholding discipline, high morale and ethics.
We need to communicate with our family members to know their problems, issues and challenges. We need to get connected with our kids. Failure to connect will result in societial problems.
Do you want to have a good family, well discipline ? then please connect with all the members in your family. Let us have a balance between friends, work, social life and family.
A lot of them were successful at their work place, but failed in relationships at home. We need to have a balance between social life, work and family so that our relationship is unique in our life. Unbalanced life will lead to stress, pain, and mental torture.
Wishing you the best.
--Quote --
Dec 26, 2008 AFP -- TOKYO - THERE are many theories on the links between food and sex, but Japanese researchers have came up with a new finding - young people who skip breakfast tend to lose their virginity earlier.
In a study of 3,000 people, those who did not regularly eat breakfast when in their early teens said they lost their virginity at an average age of 17.5, versus an overall average of age 19 for all Japanese.
For those who had a morning meal when they were younger, the average age of having the first sexual experience was 19.4.
The study, backed by Japan's health ministry, was aimed at finding ways to curb unwanted pregnancies. It concluded that a stable home life discouraged early sex.
'Those unhappy with their parents - such as for not preparing breakfast - may tend to find a way to release their frustration by having sex,' said Kunio Kitamura, head of the Japan Family Planning Association who led the research.
'If children don't feel comfortable in their family environment, they tend to go out,' he told AFP.
Additionally, young people who start having sex early tend to miss breakfast because they return home late, he said.
Japan has one of the world's lowest birthrates as more young people put off starting families, finding them a burden on their careers or lifestyles.
The survey also found that nearly 40 per cent of married couples had not had sex in more than a month.
Respondents said they were too tired because of work or found sex to be a pain, according to the study. -- AFP -- Unquote --
I can remember what my father told me 40 years ago:- " Families that prepare breakfast for their children are one who sleep earlier and wake up early for the day. This is considered as a good family. " He said, we need to prepare breakfast always for our kids so that they have a good day. It is considered as a family upholding discipline, high morale and ethics.
We need to communicate with our family members to know their problems, issues and challenges. We need to get connected with our kids. Failure to connect will result in societial problems.
Do you want to have a good family, well discipline ? then please connect with all the members in your family. Let us have a balance between friends, work, social life and family.
A lot of them were successful at their work place, but failed in relationships at home. We need to have a balance between social life, work and family so that our relationship is unique in our life. Unbalanced life will lead to stress, pain, and mental torture.
Wishing you the best.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Managing a Finanical Crisis
MANAGING A FINANCIAL CRISIS
Know your financial position
Prepare a Statement of Position - which lists all your assets and liabilities and where these are. As part of doing this look at the real current values of both assets and liabilities and the timing of when debts were incurred as well as the repayment arrangements. This will help to identify what level of equity you have, whether you have some assets which are unproductive or surplus to your requirements, which assets are encumbered and therefore your future borrowing capacity.
Prepare cash flows - Both historical and projections should be done to help with the analysis of what has happened to put you in this position and if/how you are able to trade out. At this stage it is also a good idea to do some "what if" scenarios for the projections to enable you to identify and analyse some of the future risks that might be encountered.
Compile the past Financial Statements/Profit and loss/Tax returns - By compiling these figures you or your consultant/Financial Counsellor can then analyse them to plot trends in what has brought you to the current crisis. It also helps with preparation of the cash flow projections and in identifying where income could be increased or expenditure could be shaved.
Prepare a strategic audit
Doing a SWOT analysis can identify the Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats to which the business is subject. Once you have identified what these are, you can start to use your identified strengths and opportunities to progress your enterprise. By also recognising your weaknesses and threats you can work around them or attempt minimise their effect on the business.
Revise your long and short term goals
You will never get "There" if you don't know where "There" is. Goals clarify what you are doing it all for and why you are going without now in hope for the gold are the end of the rainbow. It is extremely difficult for most people to identify and set their goals but is extremely rewarding when they are made and planned for and they then are achieved. Write the goals down as this has the effect of giving them credibility and substance. Identifying them also helps in the future planning of the business direction.
Decide if the deficit is a continuing problem
Some examples of short-term problems may be a short drought, short-term price collapse/fluctuations, disease outbreak or short-term grain price increases. If you identify that the problem is short term, a solution might be to seek carry-on finance from your lenders. It may also be possible to forward sell some of your product, sell a piece of surplus machinery or redeem an off business investment with the view to reimbursement at a later date.
If you identify that the problem is a longer term one such as a prolonged price collapse, high price structure for the business or a long term drought, then you may not be able to get further carry-on finance or it may not be an appropriate solution to the problem. If this is the case then you may need to look at other measures of addressing the problem.
Look at increasing income
Review your whole business and see if there are ways of increasing the income which have not been looked at in the past because there has not been a need. There may be an opportunity to improve the technology used in the enterprise, which will give gains in income. Such examples as weighing stock rather than relying upon purely visual assessment, or mechanised feeding systems which deliver more precise rations than being done by hand to maximise the weight gains through having fresh food on demand.
Increases in income may be achieved through better timing when your product is available. This could be done by timing the maximum number of stock to be ready at the time when higher prices are paid on a cyclical basis throughout the year, for example in the lead up to Christmas each year.
Most enterprises are multi-enterprised. This means that there is several separate small businesses within the business. By doing a gross margin analysis on each of these businesses you may be able to identify which business is the most profitable. From this you could then concentrate on the most profitable parts of the business and leave the least profitable alone to maximise the income.
An alternative may be to seek off income for one partner. This may be an opportunity to inject cash flow into the business and maximise the effectiveness of each partner involved in the case where all are not fully occupied.
Look at ways to reduce costs
A short-term solution may be to defer some expenditure or costs, which are not essential until the income improves. It may involve making arrangements with a creditor with whom you have a good relationship to "put it on the slate" in the short term.
One hidden cost blow-out is often personal expenditure, as it does not generally appear on the taxation profit and loss statement. It may be time to review the living expenses as a way of increasing the businesses bottom line.
Capital expenditure tends to be in large slices and will put the cash flow under pressure in times of difficulty. It may be appropriate to review if the capital expenditure is really crucial or whether it can be deferred till a later date when the cash flow is more positive.
Overhead costs are those which tick away no matter how productive the enterprise is at the time. Review what is being spent on items such as labour (can you do without that extra worker?), machinery, insurance, phone, repairs and maintenance and principal and interest debt servicing costs. There may be ways of reducing these costs through timing or revision of the operation.
"Beware of false economies" in reviewing the reduction of costs as there is real trap in minimising costs to the detriment of production. Cost and return is a delicate balance when it comes to the bottom line of the business.
Look at restructuring loans
As identified in the previous step there may be a more appropriate structure for your debt that may suit the current situation. It may have been totally appropriate when the loan was entered into but due to the changing environment it may now be the enterprise's Achilles heel.
Look at going interest-only in the short term if you believe the problem is only short term. The debt will not be reducing but at least the debt servicing will be brought back to a bare minimum.
Better timing of repayments is also an option. By timing repayments to the period when income is anticipated to be at its greatest, then there will then be lesser reliance upon the overdraft or cash reserves. Rather than half yearly repayments of two large amounts it may be more appropriate to time the repayments monthly if cash flows are regularly monthly.
Term loans quite often repaid over a short term if the cash flow enables this when the loan is implemented. It may be appropriate to term this over a longer term if cash flow difficulties are experienced, to free up funds in the short term. A down side of doing this however is that more interest is paid over the longer term but this negative may be offset by the affordability factor. A common fault of businesses is to purchase long-term assets with short-term finance and visa versa. In other words, an asset that will have a long-term value might be purchased out of the overdraft or cash flow rather than on a long-term loan facility. This tightens up cash flow. In good times this may not cause a problem but when the pressure is on it can be overwhelming. The alternative is also a cause of problems where a quickly depreciating asset, which has to be replaced often, is funded on a long-term loan. You may still be paying for the first item when you need to raise further funds for its replacement. Again cash flow suffers.
Consider financial reserves at your disposal
Look for finance that is designed to smooth out the highs and lows of cash flow between years rather than have tax eat up any profits that may be accumulated. If the financial problem warrants, now might be a good time to redeem these deposits.
Investment in off business assets is also a good risk mitigation strategy in the good times. When the business is under stress financially it may be appropriate to sell the off business assets to protect the core asset. At this stage it may be appropriate to identify which is the core asset and which could be done without to protect that which was identified as a core asset. Things to weigh up in this instance are return on investment against potential for return as well as other non-monetary concerns.
Investments previously made in shares and managed funds may also be an avenue to bring cash back into the core business. Off business investment is a good risk mitigation strategy with generally liquid reserves, which can be brought back into the business when needed.
Superannuation or Life policies are a source of emergency funds in time of financial crisis. Life policies can be cashed in if able to help fund deficits and superannuation funds will allow some withdrawals in times of financial hardship. Each fund has its own rules in these situations and these should be readily available upon request.
At this stage it may be appropriate to review how things are going and make decisions about the future
If steps 1-8 have worked, the crisis may be over and things are back on an even keel. It is now time to implement risk minimisation strategies to stop another similar crisis happening in the future If 1-8 did not work, there is now a need for some important decisions to be made about the future.
It is now time to consider selling part or the entire business !
Be prepared to act - failing to act is common - in a depressed state people try to escape from their problems by doing nothing but it doesn't work, it only makes the problem
Now that the pressure has eased it is time to maintain tight financial control and to communicate with your financiers
You have revised you plans and are working towards a new future therefore it is time to manage this more realistic plan to ensure that the problem you have just come through does not resurface.
It is now also a good time to work on your relationship with your lenders to rebuild the bridges and gain their confidence back that was previously there but which may have suffered during the crisis. This will stand you in good stead in the future for the next time difficulties are experienced. Murphy's Law still prevails and therefore it is not a matter of if it will occur but when.
Know your financial position
Prepare a Statement of Position - which lists all your assets and liabilities and where these are. As part of doing this look at the real current values of both assets and liabilities and the timing of when debts were incurred as well as the repayment arrangements. This will help to identify what level of equity you have, whether you have some assets which are unproductive or surplus to your requirements, which assets are encumbered and therefore your future borrowing capacity.
Prepare cash flows - Both historical and projections should be done to help with the analysis of what has happened to put you in this position and if/how you are able to trade out. At this stage it is also a good idea to do some "what if" scenarios for the projections to enable you to identify and analyse some of the future risks that might be encountered.
Compile the past Financial Statements/Profit and loss/Tax returns - By compiling these figures you or your consultant/Financial Counsellor can then analyse them to plot trends in what has brought you to the current crisis. It also helps with preparation of the cash flow projections and in identifying where income could be increased or expenditure could be shaved.
Prepare a strategic audit
Doing a SWOT analysis can identify the Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats to which the business is subject. Once you have identified what these are, you can start to use your identified strengths and opportunities to progress your enterprise. By also recognising your weaknesses and threats you can work around them or attempt minimise their effect on the business.
Revise your long and short term goals
You will never get "There" if you don't know where "There" is. Goals clarify what you are doing it all for and why you are going without now in hope for the gold are the end of the rainbow. It is extremely difficult for most people to identify and set their goals but is extremely rewarding when they are made and planned for and they then are achieved. Write the goals down as this has the effect of giving them credibility and substance. Identifying them also helps in the future planning of the business direction.
Decide if the deficit is a continuing problem
Some examples of short-term problems may be a short drought, short-term price collapse/fluctuations, disease outbreak or short-term grain price increases. If you identify that the problem is short term, a solution might be to seek carry-on finance from your lenders. It may also be possible to forward sell some of your product, sell a piece of surplus machinery or redeem an off business investment with the view to reimbursement at a later date.
If you identify that the problem is a longer term one such as a prolonged price collapse, high price structure for the business or a long term drought, then you may not be able to get further carry-on finance or it may not be an appropriate solution to the problem. If this is the case then you may need to look at other measures of addressing the problem.
Look at increasing income
Review your whole business and see if there are ways of increasing the income which have not been looked at in the past because there has not been a need. There may be an opportunity to improve the technology used in the enterprise, which will give gains in income. Such examples as weighing stock rather than relying upon purely visual assessment, or mechanised feeding systems which deliver more precise rations than being done by hand to maximise the weight gains through having fresh food on demand.
Increases in income may be achieved through better timing when your product is available. This could be done by timing the maximum number of stock to be ready at the time when higher prices are paid on a cyclical basis throughout the year, for example in the lead up to Christmas each year.
Most enterprises are multi-enterprised. This means that there is several separate small businesses within the business. By doing a gross margin analysis on each of these businesses you may be able to identify which business is the most profitable. From this you could then concentrate on the most profitable parts of the business and leave the least profitable alone to maximise the income.
An alternative may be to seek off income for one partner. This may be an opportunity to inject cash flow into the business and maximise the effectiveness of each partner involved in the case where all are not fully occupied.
Look at ways to reduce costs
A short-term solution may be to defer some expenditure or costs, which are not essential until the income improves. It may involve making arrangements with a creditor with whom you have a good relationship to "put it on the slate" in the short term.
One hidden cost blow-out is often personal expenditure, as it does not generally appear on the taxation profit and loss statement. It may be time to review the living expenses as a way of increasing the businesses bottom line.
Capital expenditure tends to be in large slices and will put the cash flow under pressure in times of difficulty. It may be appropriate to review if the capital expenditure is really crucial or whether it can be deferred till a later date when the cash flow is more positive.
Overhead costs are those which tick away no matter how productive the enterprise is at the time. Review what is being spent on items such as labour (can you do without that extra worker?), machinery, insurance, phone, repairs and maintenance and principal and interest debt servicing costs. There may be ways of reducing these costs through timing or revision of the operation.
"Beware of false economies" in reviewing the reduction of costs as there is real trap in minimising costs to the detriment of production. Cost and return is a delicate balance when it comes to the bottom line of the business.
Look at restructuring loans
As identified in the previous step there may be a more appropriate structure for your debt that may suit the current situation. It may have been totally appropriate when the loan was entered into but due to the changing environment it may now be the enterprise's Achilles heel.
Look at going interest-only in the short term if you believe the problem is only short term. The debt will not be reducing but at least the debt servicing will be brought back to a bare minimum.
Better timing of repayments is also an option. By timing repayments to the period when income is anticipated to be at its greatest, then there will then be lesser reliance upon the overdraft or cash reserves. Rather than half yearly repayments of two large amounts it may be more appropriate to time the repayments monthly if cash flows are regularly monthly.
Term loans quite often repaid over a short term if the cash flow enables this when the loan is implemented. It may be appropriate to term this over a longer term if cash flow difficulties are experienced, to free up funds in the short term. A down side of doing this however is that more interest is paid over the longer term but this negative may be offset by the affordability factor. A common fault of businesses is to purchase long-term assets with short-term finance and visa versa. In other words, an asset that will have a long-term value might be purchased out of the overdraft or cash flow rather than on a long-term loan facility. This tightens up cash flow. In good times this may not cause a problem but when the pressure is on it can be overwhelming. The alternative is also a cause of problems where a quickly depreciating asset, which has to be replaced often, is funded on a long-term loan. You may still be paying for the first item when you need to raise further funds for its replacement. Again cash flow suffers.
Consider financial reserves at your disposal
Look for finance that is designed to smooth out the highs and lows of cash flow between years rather than have tax eat up any profits that may be accumulated. If the financial problem warrants, now might be a good time to redeem these deposits.
Investment in off business assets is also a good risk mitigation strategy in the good times. When the business is under stress financially it may be appropriate to sell the off business assets to protect the core asset. At this stage it may be appropriate to identify which is the core asset and which could be done without to protect that which was identified as a core asset. Things to weigh up in this instance are return on investment against potential for return as well as other non-monetary concerns.
Investments previously made in shares and managed funds may also be an avenue to bring cash back into the core business. Off business investment is a good risk mitigation strategy with generally liquid reserves, which can be brought back into the business when needed.
Superannuation or Life policies are a source of emergency funds in time of financial crisis. Life policies can be cashed in if able to help fund deficits and superannuation funds will allow some withdrawals in times of financial hardship. Each fund has its own rules in these situations and these should be readily available upon request.
At this stage it may be appropriate to review how things are going and make decisions about the future
If steps 1-8 have worked, the crisis may be over and things are back on an even keel. It is now time to implement risk minimisation strategies to stop another similar crisis happening in the future If 1-8 did not work, there is now a need for some important decisions to be made about the future.
It is now time to consider selling part or the entire business !
Be prepared to act - failing to act is common - in a depressed state people try to escape from their problems by doing nothing but it doesn't work, it only makes the problem
Now that the pressure has eased it is time to maintain tight financial control and to communicate with your financiers
You have revised you plans and are working towards a new future therefore it is time to manage this more realistic plan to ensure that the problem you have just come through does not resurface.
It is now also a good time to work on your relationship with your lenders to rebuild the bridges and gain their confidence back that was previously there but which may have suffered during the crisis. This will stand you in good stead in the future for the next time difficulties are experienced. Murphy's Law still prevails and therefore it is not a matter of if it will occur but when.
Nick Vujicic Motivated me
This morning, we went to attend a church service where Nick Vukicic ( a man without limbs ) encouraged us to enjoy whatever we have to glorify the name of God.
Nick was born in 1982 ago without limbs, but he graduated with a double degree in Finance and Financial Planning in Australia. He inspired me that God has a message for me everyday.
We need to use our life to bring people to God to be saved - either we have limbs or not, we need to enjoy whatever God has given us.
Nick can swim, read Bible, ride a speed boat and fishing.
Traveling extensively to over 19 nations, he has extremely humbled by the continuous opportunities that the Lord has given him to share his testimony along with the hope that he has in Jesus with people in so many nations and situations. His greatest joy in this life is to introduce Jesus to those he meets and tell them of His great desire to get to know them personally by allowing Him to become their Lord and Savior.
One of his favorite scriptures from the Bible is Psalm 139:17-18 that says, "How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.”
God has used him to let people know in countless schools, churches, prisons, orphanages, hospitals, stadiums and in face-to-face encounters with individuals how very precious they are to God. Secondly, it’s his pleasure to assure them that God does have a plan for their lives that is purposeful. For God took my life, one that others might disregard as having any significance and filled him with His purpose and showed me His plans to move hearts and lives toward Him. Understanding this, though faced with struggles, you can overcome too.
Be encouraged today as you read this promise from the Lord found in Jeremiah 29:11 of the Bible, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Nick challenges people all over the world to dream big, trust the Lord with all your heart and to not grow weary when we fail to understand God's Wisdom and great purpose for our lives. Share it with your friends and family, your youth group, someone going through a tough time or anyone who needs a refreshing experience and inspiration to keep their eyes fixed on the promises of God.
Personally, I am encouraged by Nick's testimony. At the end of the service, there were 300 people accepting Christ. WOW.....
Nick was born in 1982 ago without limbs, but he graduated with a double degree in Finance and Financial Planning in Australia. He inspired me that God has a message for me everyday.
We need to use our life to bring people to God to be saved - either we have limbs or not, we need to enjoy whatever God has given us.
Nick can swim, read Bible, ride a speed boat and fishing.
Traveling extensively to over 19 nations, he has extremely humbled by the continuous opportunities that the Lord has given him to share his testimony along with the hope that he has in Jesus with people in so many nations and situations. His greatest joy in this life is to introduce Jesus to those he meets and tell them of His great desire to get to know them personally by allowing Him to become their Lord and Savior.
One of his favorite scriptures from the Bible is Psalm 139:17-18 that says, "How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.”
God has used him to let people know in countless schools, churches, prisons, orphanages, hospitals, stadiums and in face-to-face encounters with individuals how very precious they are to God. Secondly, it’s his pleasure to assure them that God does have a plan for their lives that is purposeful. For God took my life, one that others might disregard as having any significance and filled him with His purpose and showed me His plans to move hearts and lives toward Him. Understanding this, though faced with struggles, you can overcome too.
Be encouraged today as you read this promise from the Lord found in Jeremiah 29:11 of the Bible, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Nick challenges people all over the world to dream big, trust the Lord with all your heart and to not grow weary when we fail to understand God's Wisdom and great purpose for our lives. Share it with your friends and family, your youth group, someone going through a tough time or anyone who needs a refreshing experience and inspiration to keep their eyes fixed on the promises of God.
Personally, I am encouraged by Nick's testimony. At the end of the service, there were 300 people accepting Christ. WOW.....
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Nelson Mandela 8 Secrets of Leadership
Mandela: His 8 Lessons of Leadership
By Richard Stengel Wednesday, Jul. 09, 2008 taken from the Time Magazine
Nelson Mandela has always felt most at ease around children, and in some ways his greatest deprivation was that he spent 27 years without hearing a baby cry or holding a child's hand. Last month, when I visited Mandela in Johannesburg — a frailer, foggier Mandela than the one I used to know — his first instinct was to spread his arms to my two boys. Within seconds they were hugging the friendly old man who asked them what sports they liked to play and what they'd had for breakfast. While we talked, he held my son Gabriel, whose complicated middle name is Rolihlahla, Nelson Mandela's real first name. He told Gabriel the story of that name, how in Xhosa it translates as "pulling down the branch of a tree" but that its real meaning is "troublemaker."
As he celebrates his 90th birthday next week, Nelson Mandela has made enough trouble for several lifetimes. He liberated a country from a system of violent prejudice and helped unite white and black, oppressor and oppressed, in a way that had never been done before. In the 1990s I worked with Mandela for almost two years on his autobiography, Long Walk to Freedom. After all that time spent in his company, I felt a terrible sense of withdrawal when the book was done; it was like the sun going out of one's life. We have seen each other occasionally over the years, but I wanted to make what might be a final visit and have my sons meet him one more time.
I also wanted to talk to him about leadership. Mandela is the closest thing the world has to a secular saint, but he would be the first to admit that he is something far more pedestrian: a politician. He overthrew apartheid and created a nonracial democratic South Africa by knowing precisely when and how to transition between his roles as warrior, martyr, diplomat and statesman. Uncomfortable with abstract philosophical concepts, he would often say to me that an issue "was not a question of principle; it was a question of tactics." He is a master tactician.
Mandela is no longer comfortable with inquiries or favors. He's fearful that he may not be able to summon what people expect when they visit a living deity, and vain enough to care that they not think him diminished. But the world has never needed Mandela's gifts — as a tactician, as an activist and, yes, as a politician — more, as he showed again in London on June 25, when he rose to condemn the savagery of Zimbabwe's Robert Mugabe. As we enter the main stretch of a historic presidential campaign in America, there is much that he can teach the two candidates. I've always thought of what you are about to read as Madiba's Rules (Madiba, his clan name, is what everyone close to him calls him), and they are cobbled together from our conversations old and new and from observing him up close and from afar. They are mostly practical. Many of them stem directly from his personal experience. All of them are calibrated to cause the best kind of trouble: the trouble that forces us to ask how we can make the world a better place.
No. 1
Courage is not the absence of fear — it's inspiring others to move beyond it
In 1994, during the presidential-election campaign, Mandela got on a tiny propeller plane to fly down to the killing fields of Natal and give a speech to his Zulu supporters. I agreed to meet him at the airport, where we would continue our work after his speech. When the plane was 20 minutes from landing, one of its engines failed. Some on the plane began to panic. The only thing that calmed them was looking at Mandela, who quietly read his newspaper as if he were a commuter on his morning train to the office. The airport prepared for an emergency landing, and the pilot managed to land the plane safely. When Mandela and I got in the backseat of his bulletproof BMW that would take us to the rally, he turned to me and said, "Man, I was terrified up there!"
Mandela was often afraid during his time underground, during the Rivonia trial that led to his imprisonment, during his time on Robben Island. "Of course I was afraid!" he would tell me later. It would have been irrational, he suggested, not to be. "I can't pretend that I'm brave and that I can beat the whole world." But as a leader, you cannot let people know. "You must put up a front."
And that's precisely what he learned to do: pretend and, through the act of appearing fearless, inspire others. It was a pantomime Mandela perfected on Robben Island, where there was much to fear. Prisoners who were with him said watching Mandela walk across the courtyard, upright and proud, was enough to keep them going for days. He knew that he was a model for others, and that gave him the strength to triumph over his own fear.
No. 2
Lead from the front — but don't leave your base behind
Mandela is cagey. in 1985 he was operated on for an enlarged prostate. When he was returned to prison, he was separated from his colleagues and friends for the first time in 21 years. They protested. But as his longtime friend Ahmed Kathrada recalls, he said to them, "Wait a minute, chaps. Some good may come of this."
The good that came of it was that Mandela on his own launched negotiations with the apartheid government. This was anathema to the African National Congress (ANC). After decades of saying "prisoners cannot negotiate" and after advocating an armed struggle that would bring the government to its knees, he decided that the time was right to begin to talk to his oppressors.
When he initiated his negotiations with the government in 1985, there were many who thought he had lost it. "We thought he was selling out," says Cyril Ramaphosa, then the powerful and fiery leader of the National Union of Mineworkers. "I went to see him to tell him, What are you doing? It was an unbelievable initiative. He took a massive risk."
Mandela launched a campaign to persuade the ANC that his was the correct course. His reputation was on the line. He went to each of his comrades in prison, Kathrada remembers, and explained what he was doing. Slowly and deliberately, he brought them along. "You take your support base along with you," says Ramaphosa, who was secretary-general of the ANC and is now a business mogul. "Once you arrive at the beachhead, then you allow the people to move on. He's not a bubble-gum leader — chew it now and throw it away."
For Mandela, refusing to negotiate was about tactics, not principles. Throughout his life, he has always made that distinction. His unwavering principle — the overthrow of apartheid and the achievement of one man, one vote — was immutable, but almost anything that helped him get to that goal he regarded as a tactic. He is the most pragmatic of idealists.
"He's a historical man," says Ramaphosa. "He was thinking way ahead of us. He has posterity in mind: How will they view what we've done?" Prison gave him the ability to take the long view. It had to; there was no other view possible. He was thinking in terms of not days and weeks but decades. He knew history was on his side, that the result was inevitable; it was just a question of how soon and how it would be achieved. "Things will be better in the long run," he sometimes said. He always played for the long run
No. 3
Lead from the back — and let others believe they are in front
Mandela loved to reminisce about his boyhood and his lazy afternoons herding cattle. "You know," he would say, "you can only lead them from behind." He would then raise his eyebrows to make sure I got the analogy.
As a boy, Mandela was greatly influenced by Jongintaba, the tribal king who raised him. When Jongintaba had meetings of his court, the men gathered in a circle, and only after all had spoken did the king begin to speak. The chief's job, Mandela said, was not to tell people what to do but to form a consensus. "Don't enter the debate too early," he used to say.
During the time I worked with Mandela, he often called meetings of his kitchen cabinet at his home in Houghton, a lovely old suburb of Johannesburg. He would gather half a dozen men, Ramaphosa, Thabo Mbeki (who is now the South African President) and others around the dining-room table or sometimes in a circle in his driveway. Some of his colleagues would shout at him — to move faster, to be more radical — and Mandela would simply listen. When he finally did speak at those meetings, he slowly and methodically summarized everyone's points of view and then unfurled his own thoughts, subtly steering the decision in the direction he wanted without imposing it. The trick of leadership is allowing yourself to be led too. "It is wise," he said, "to persuade people to do things and make them think it was their own idea."
No. 4
Know your enemy — and learn about his favorite sport
As far back as the 1960s, Mandela began studying Afrikaans, the language of the white South Africans who created apartheid. His comrades in the ANC teased him about it, but he wanted to understand the Afrikaner's worldview; he knew that one day he would be fighting them or negotiating with them, and either way, his destiny was tied to theirs.
This was strategic in two senses: by speaking his opponents' language, he might understand their strengths and weaknesses and formulate tactics accordingly. But he would also be ingratiating himself with his enemy. Everyone from ordinary jailers to P.W. Botha was impressed by Mandela's willingness to speak Afrikaans and his knowledge of Afrikaner history. He even brushed up on his knowledge of rugby, the Afrikaners' beloved sport, so he would be able to compare notes on teams and players.
Mandela understood that blacks and Afrikaners had something fundamental in common: Afrikaners believed themselves to be Africans as deeply as blacks did. He knew, too, that Afrikaners had been the victims of prejudice themselves: the British government and the white English settlers looked down on them. Afrikaners suffered from a cultural inferiority complex almost as much as blacks did.
Mandela was a lawyer, and in prison he helped the warders with their legal problems. They were far less educated and worldly than he, and it was extraordinary to them that a black man was willing and able to help them. These were "the most ruthless and brutal of the apartheid regime's characters," says Allister Sparks, the great South African historian, and he "realized that even the worst and crudest could be negotiated with."
No. 5
Keep your friends close — and your rivals even closer
Many of the guests Mandela invited to the house he built in Qunu were people whom, he intimated to me, he did not wholly trust. He had them to dinner; he called to consult with them; he flattered them and gave them gifts. Mandela is a man of invincible charm — and he has often used that charm to even greater effect on his rivals than on his allies.
On Robben Island, Mandela would always include in his brain trust men he neither liked nor relied on. One person he became close to was Chris Hani, the fiery chief of staff of the ANC's military wing. There were some who thought Hani was conspiring against Mandela, but Mandela cozied up to him. "It wasn't just Hani," says Ramaphosa. "It was also the big industrialists, the mining families, the opposition. He would pick up the phone and call them on their birthdays. He would go to family funerals. He saw it as an opportunity." When Mandela emerged from prison, he famously included his jailers among his friends and put leaders who had kept him in prison in his first Cabinet. Yet I well knew that he despised some of these men.
There were times he washed his hands of people — and times when, like so many people of great charm, he allowed himself to be charmed. Mandela initially developed a quick rapport with South African President F.W. de Klerk, which is why he later felt so betrayed when De Klerk attacked him in public.
Mandela believed that embracing his rivals was a way of controlling them: they were more dangerous on their own than within his circle of influence. He cherished loyalty, but he was never obsessed by it. After all, he used to say, "people act in their own interest." It was simply a fact of human nature, not a flaw or a defect. The flip side of being an optimist — and he is one — is trusting people too much. But Mandela recognized that the way to deal with those he didn't trust was to neutralize them with charm.
No. 6
Appearances matter — and remember to smile
When Mandela was a poor law student in Johannesburg wearing his one threadbare suit, he was taken to see Walter Sisulu. Sisulu was a real estate agent and a young leader of the ANC. Mandela saw a sophisticated and successful black man whom he could emulate. Sisulu saw the future.
Sisulu once told me that his great quest in the 1950s was to turn the ANC into a mass movement; and then one day, he recalled with a smile, "a mass leader walked into my office." Mandela was tall and handsome, an amateur boxer who carried himself with the regal air of a chief's son. And he had a smile that was like the sun coming out on a cloudy day.
We sometimes forget the historical correlation between leadership and physicality. George Washington was the tallest and probably the strongest man in every room he entered. Size and strength have more to do with DNA than with leadership manuals, but Mandela understood how his appearance could advance his cause. As leader of the ANC's underground military wing, he insisted that he be photographed in the proper fatigues and with a beard, and throughout his career he has been concerned about dressing appropriately for his position. George Bizos, his lawyer, remembers that he first met Mandela at an Indian tailor's shop in the 1950s and that Mandela was the first black South African he had ever seen being fitted for a suit. Now Mandela's uniform is a series of exuberant-print shirts that declare him the joyous grandfather of modern Africa.
When Mandela was running for the presidency in 1994, he knew that symbols mattered as much as substance. He was never a great public speaker, and people often tuned out what he was saying after the first few minutes. But it was the iconography that people understood. When he was on a platform, he would always do the toyi-toyi, the township dance that was an emblem of the struggle. But more important was that dazzling, beatific, all-inclusive smile. For white South Africans, the smile symbolized Mandela's lack of bitterness and suggested that he was sympathetic to them. To black voters, it said, I am the happy warrior, and we will triumph. The ubiquitous ANC election poster was simply his smiling face. "The smile," says Ramaphosa, "was the message."
After he emerged from prison, people would say, over and over, It is amazing that he is not bitter. There are a thousand things Nelson Mandela was bitter about, but he knew that more than anything else, he had to project the exact opposite emotion. He always said, "Forget the past" — but I knew he never did.
No. 7
Nothing is black or white
When we began our series of interviews, I would often ask Mandela questions like this one: When you decided to suspend the armed struggle, was it because you realized you did not have the strength to overthrow the government or because you knew you could win over international opinion by choosing nonviolence? He would then give me a curious glance and say, "Why not both?"
I did start asking smarter questions, but the message was clear: Life is never either/or. Decisions are complex, and there are always competing factors. To look for simple explanations is the bias of the human brain, but it doesn't correspond to reality. Nothing is ever as straightforward as it appears.
Mandela is comfortable with contradiction. As a politician, he was a pragmatist who saw the world as infinitely nuanced. Much of this, I believe, came from living as a black man under an apartheid system that offered a daily regimen of excruciating and debilitating moral choices: Do I defer to the white boss to get the job I want and avoid a punishment? Do I carry my pass?
As a statesman, Mandela was uncommonly loyal to Muammar Gaddafi and Fidel Castro. They had helped the ANC when the U.S. still branded Mandela as a terrorist. When I asked him about Gaddafi and Castro, he suggested that Americans tend to see things in black and white, and he would upbraid me for my lack of nuance. Every problem has many causes. While he was indisputably and clearly against apartheid, the causes of apartheid were complex. They were historical, sociological and psychological. Mandela's calculus was always, What is the end that I seek, and what is the most practical way to get there?
No. 8
Quitting is leading too
In 1993, Mandela asked me if I knew of any countries where the minimum voting age was under 18. I did some research and presented him with a rather undistinguished list: Indonesia, Cuba, Nicaragua, North Korea and Iran. He nodded and uttered his highest praise: "Very good, very good." Two weeks later, Mandela went on South African television and proposed that the voting age be lowered to 14. "He tried to sell us the idea," recalls Ramaphosa, "but he was the only [supporter]. And he had to face the reality that it would not win the day. He accepted it with great humility. He doesn't sulk. That was also a lesson in leadership."
Knowing how to abandon a failed idea, task or relationship is often the most difficult kind of decision a leader has to make. In many ways, Mandela's greatest legacy as President of South Africa is the way he chose to leave it. When he was elected in 1994, Mandela probably could have pressed to be President for life — and there were many who felt that in return for his years in prison, that was the least South Africa could do.
In the history of Africa, there have been only a handful of democratically elected leaders who willingly stood down from office. Mandela was determined to set a precedent for all who followed him — not only in South Africa but across the rest of the continent. He would be the anti-Mugabe, the man who gave birth to his country and refused to hold it hostage. "His job was to set the course," says Ramaphosa, "not to steer the ship." He knows that leaders lead as much by what they choose not to do as what they do.
Ultimately, the key to understanding Mandela is those 27 years in prison. The man who walked onto Robben Island in 1964 was emotional, headstrong, easily stung. The man who emerged was balanced and disciplined. He is not and never has been introspective. I often asked him how the man who emerged from prison differed from the willful young man who had entered it. He hated this question. Finally, in exasperation one day, he said, "I came out mature." There is nothing so rare — or so valuable — as a mature man. Happy birthday, Madiba.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Show Interest in Others
When managers and leaders in an organization notice the needs and the contribution of the people they lead, it inspires co-workers to notice one another. The result is a workforce that feels cared for and therefore connected. Caring about others means noticing who they are. What is someone’s life like when he or she leaves the office. What do they care about ? When you care about those around you, you will naturally be curious to know who they are and ask questions to find out. Ask about their home life, their families, their hobbies – without being intrusive, of course. But if people sense that you truly want to know them, they will usually be more than willing to share.
In How to win friends and Influence people, Dale Carnegie advises, “ Become genuinely interested in other people… be a good listener. Encourage people to talk about themselves.. Talk in terms of other person’s interests … make the other person feel important.. and do it sincerely. “ Seven decades later, his book is still a household staple, and people flock to Dale Carnegie courses. That’s because human being understand that the most important thing we can do is to care and connect with others.
Express Compliments
One of the most important ways we can show people we care is by telling them. Mother Teresa said. “ Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” Mark Twain put it another way, saying, “ I can live for two months on one good compliment. “ We all need compliments. We all need to know that we are noticed and appreciated and our efforts are recognized. When you take a moment to notice someone’s greatness and tell him or her about it, you give a gift that will always be remembered.
A group of my friends and myself attended the Born to Win seminar in Zig Ziglar series in Las Vegas in 1996. In the program, we have learned to recognize others’ positive attributes and write personal notes to one another, beginning with the word, “ I like you because …… “ it could be something simple like “ I like you because you smiled at me. “ Or “ I like you because you asked about my family. “ At the end of the program all of us feel really good about ourselves. Three of is went for dinner together and at a restaurant. At the end of the dinner, we have decided to write a short note to the waiter who was serving us. We wrote, “ I like you because you have provided us an excellent service. “ “ I like you because you greeted us warmly. “ and “ I like you because you have served us delicious food. “ We left the note on the table and we walked out of the restaurant.
About 20 feet from the main door of the restaurant, we heard a voice calling us from behind, “ Wait, wait, I like to speak with you. “ We looked back and found the waiter walking towards us. He said, “ I have worked here for the past 12 years, and no one has ever appreciated my service. “ He cried. “ I have been trying to do a good job. I will never forget tonight the warm note from you. “ And I will always keep your notes with me. Thank you. “
The waiter feel appreciated for his good service and we have made someone happy that night.
Words of Encouragement
A word of encouragement will inspire a person to excel. This world will be a better place if we:-
· Call someone to say, “ Hi, “ and to see how he or she is doing;
· Encourage friends or co-workers to do their best;
· Stop to talk with people in your neighborhood or work place;
· Help someone with an assignment or project;
· Say “ Good job “ to someone after the or she has really worked hard;
· Cheer for a friend or colleague at a sports game, concert, plays or other performance;
· Talk with co-workers about their goals;
· Help someone work through a conflict.
There are two kinds of people in this world, those who pill you up and those who pill you down. When you notice the good things about others – and tell them – you become a pull-up person. Noticing and sincerely complimenting others has a tremendous influence on their productivity, their health – even their longevity. Make it a habit to say something positive to people on a daily basis.
Show Interest in Others
When managers and leaders in an organization notice the needs and the contribution of the people they lead, it inspires co-workers to notice one another. The result is a workforce that feels cared for and therefore connected. Caring about others means noticing who they are. What is someone’s life like when he or she leaves the office. What do they care about ? When you care about those around you, you will naturally be curious to know who they are and ask questions to find out. Ask about their home life, their families, their hobbies – without being intrusive, of course. But if people sense that you truly want to know them, they will usually be more than willing to share.
In How to win friends and Influence people, Dale Carnegie advises, “ Become genuinely interested in other people… be a good listener. Encourage people to talk about themselves.. Talk in terms of other person’s interests … make the other person feel important.. and do it sincerely. “ Seven decades later, his book is still a household staple, and people flock to Dale Carnegie courses. That’s because human being understand that the most important thing we can do is to care and connect with others.
Express Compliments
One of the most important ways we can show people we care is by telling them. Mother Teresa said. “ Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” Mark Twain put it another way, saying, “ I can live for two months on one good compliment. “ We all need compliments. We all need to know that we are noticed and appreciated and our efforts are recognized. When you take a moment to notice someone’s greatness and tell him or her about it, you give a gift that will always be remembered.
A group of my friends and myself attended the Born to Win seminar in Zig Ziglar series in Las Vegas in 1996. In the program, we have learned to recognize others’ positive attributes and write personal notes to one another, beginning with the word, “ I like you because …… “ it could be something simple like “ I like you because you smiled at me. “ Or “ I like you because you asked about my family. “ At the end of the program all of us feel really good about ourselves. Three of is went for dinner together and at a restaurant. At the end of the dinner, we have decided to write a short note to the waiter who was serving us. We wrote, “ I like you because you have provided us an excellent service. “ “ I like you because you greeted us warmly. “ and “ I like you because you have served us delicious food. “ We left the note on the table and we walked out of the restaurant.
About 20 feet from the main door of the restaurant, we heard a voice calling us from behind, “ Wait, wait, I like to speak with you. “ We looked back and found the waiter walking towards us. He said, “ I have worked here for the past 12 years, and no one has ever appreciated my service. “ He cried. “ I have been trying to do a good job. I will never forget tonight the warm note from you. “ And I will always keep your notes with me. Thank you. “
The waiter feel appreciated for his good service and we have made someone happy that night.
Words of Encouragement
A word of encouragement will inspire a person to excel. This world will be a better place if we:-
· Call someone to say, “ Hi, “ and to see how he or she is doing;
· Encourage friends or co-workers to do their best;
· Stop to talk with people in your neighborhood or work place;
· Help someone with an assignment or project;
· Say “ Good job “ to someone after the or she has really worked hard;
· Cheer for a friend or colleague at a sports game, concert, plays or other performance;
· Talk with co-workers about their goals;
· Help someone work through a conflict.
There are two kinds of people in this world, those who pill you up and those who pill you down. When you notice the good things about others – and tell them – you become a pull-up person. Noticing and sincerely complimenting others has a tremendous influence on their productivity, their health – even their longevity. Make it a habit to say something positive to people on a daily basis.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Does your life seem complicated?
Diane met Phil at a party. Something about him attracted her immediately and something about her attracted him immediately as well. The following day he called her and they arranged to go out that evening.
Phil turned out to be the perfect boyfriend: he filled Diane's house with beautiful flowers every Friday, whispered in her ears warm love words and let her into his heart faster than the speed of light. After a month or so of perfect euphoria, they had their first fight. It began with some little disagreement about a song that Diane loved and became a loud argument about the different fields of interest they had.
Diane was shocked that the same lovely guy she loved so much behaved so rudely and criticized and ridiculed her interests. Diane loves classical music and Phil thought it was conservative; violins drive him crazy and he refused to allow her to play that music when they were together. Of course he refused to come with her to concerts she liked so much. Diane couldn't understand how an intelligent and educated person like Phil loved to listen to Rap music and sometimes, goodness gracious, he is careless about table manners in restaurants. From that moment on, the couple found many points they didn't agree upon – their opinions were completely different!
For a while Diane, was really upset and the situation got worse; she knew that on one hand the potential of living with Phil was amazing but on the other hand, Phil didn't understand or respect her interests and to a certain degree didn't accept her as she was. The arguments got more frequent and the bouquets got smaller. With a heavy heart she called Michael, a close friend, to cry about the injustice in the world and her big disappointment in love.
Michael listened to Diane's complaints and immediately understood what was going on. “Diane,” said Michael carefully “I have only one question and tell me the truth: how would you really want Phil to treat you?” Diane answered immediately, “I would like Phil to respect my love of classical music, foreign movies and also the fact that I talk to my mother at least twice a day and love to go to sleep at 10pm. I would like to listen to classical music in my house without him turning up his nose, I would like him to come with me to a new Japanese movie and if he doesn't want to, at least he won't drive me crazy if I go to the movie with a friend instead. Besides, I would like him to get back from work early enough so that we will could spend time together without upsetting my habit of having early nights. Oh! And also I don't want him to be jealous about my contact with you or with my other friends; he hasn't said anything clearly but I feel he is a little suspicious every time we talk on the phone and he is nearby.”
Michael listened to her patiently and finally said: “Diane, I understand. Now, you remember I recently gave you a booklet with a picture of a dove on it? Or maybe it was with another cover?” Diane remembered and went to bring The Way to Happiness® booklet. The booklet was on some paper piled in the corner of her study and she hadn't had time to read it, despite Michael's eager recommendation.
“Please open chapter No. 20 and read aloud the title”. Diane did what he said and read, “Try to Treat Others as You Would Want Them to Treat You”. Well, so what are you actually implying?”
They continued to read the chapter over the phone until they reached the paragraph:
“Now there is an interesting phenomenon at work in human relations. When one person yells at another, the other has an impulse to yell back. One is treated pretty much the way he treats others: one actually sets an example of how he should be treated”.
Diane was shocked!
She suddenly realized that she is not patient about Phil's life: she is very critical about his friends who look “crazy” in her eyes, she disparages the music he prefers and she makes non-stop remarks about his style of dress.
Diane decided immediately to treat Phil as she would like him to treat her. She finished the conversation with Michael and went back to read closely chapter 20 in the booklet. She dwelled upon the part where it's written: “Now what do you suppose would happen if one were to try to treat those around him with justness, loyalty, good sportsmanship, fairness, honesty, kindness, consideration, compassion, self-control, tolerance, forgiveness, benevolence, belief, respect, politeness, dignity, admiration, friendliness, love, and did it with integrity?
It might take a while but don't you suppose that many others would then begin to try to treat one the same way?"
Diane continued to observe herself while studying chapter 20 and understood what she should do to save her relationship.
After about three months Diane sent a message: “Michael! You and your booklet are genius!!! You deserve a huge bouquet because yesterday I got a marriage proposal from Phil. I'm so excited.”
Michael couldn't wait and immediately called to hear details. Diane explained: “After our conversation I realized what I was doing wrong and how to improve it. I used the chapter we read. I applied the drill at the end of the chapter, the section on specializing every day on one virtue etc. I actually worked on myself and all the while I saw Phil suddenly resume being extremely charming. You wouldn't believe it but he bought me a couple of very expensive tickets to a concert so I could go with my mother!” “Wow! Diane that's incredible!!!” Michael said. “But Michael, although I was surprised by his support, I realized why it had happened. I might add that the tickets for the concert came two days after I cooked a big dinner for his 'disturbed' friends, the same friends I had hated him to meet at all before.”
It turns out the precept worked! Good treatment in the long run resulted in good treatment on the part of Phil. At first she did not even tell him about Michael's advice, but she began behaving according to it, and instead of criticizing, used tolerance and acceptance, instead of scorn, they shared consideration and respect. And soon also a wedding.
Today, Diane knows that a person can influence the behavior of others towards him or her - in relationships in the family or at work. Would you like many other people to know this and be helped by the information in this booklet?
Phil turned out to be the perfect boyfriend: he filled Diane's house with beautiful flowers every Friday, whispered in her ears warm love words and let her into his heart faster than the speed of light. After a month or so of perfect euphoria, they had their first fight. It began with some little disagreement about a song that Diane loved and became a loud argument about the different fields of interest they had.
Diane was shocked that the same lovely guy she loved so much behaved so rudely and criticized and ridiculed her interests. Diane loves classical music and Phil thought it was conservative; violins drive him crazy and he refused to allow her to play that music when they were together. Of course he refused to come with her to concerts she liked so much. Diane couldn't understand how an intelligent and educated person like Phil loved to listen to Rap music and sometimes, goodness gracious, he is careless about table manners in restaurants. From that moment on, the couple found many points they didn't agree upon – their opinions were completely different!
For a while Diane, was really upset and the situation got worse; she knew that on one hand the potential of living with Phil was amazing but on the other hand, Phil didn't understand or respect her interests and to a certain degree didn't accept her as she was. The arguments got more frequent and the bouquets got smaller. With a heavy heart she called Michael, a close friend, to cry about the injustice in the world and her big disappointment in love.
Michael listened to Diane's complaints and immediately understood what was going on. “Diane,” said Michael carefully “I have only one question and tell me the truth: how would you really want Phil to treat you?” Diane answered immediately, “I would like Phil to respect my love of classical music, foreign movies and also the fact that I talk to my mother at least twice a day and love to go to sleep at 10pm. I would like to listen to classical music in my house without him turning up his nose, I would like him to come with me to a new Japanese movie and if he doesn't want to, at least he won't drive me crazy if I go to the movie with a friend instead. Besides, I would like him to get back from work early enough so that we will could spend time together without upsetting my habit of having early nights. Oh! And also I don't want him to be jealous about my contact with you or with my other friends; he hasn't said anything clearly but I feel he is a little suspicious every time we talk on the phone and he is nearby.”
Michael listened to her patiently and finally said: “Diane, I understand. Now, you remember I recently gave you a booklet with a picture of a dove on it? Or maybe it was with another cover?” Diane remembered and went to bring The Way to Happiness® booklet. The booklet was on some paper piled in the corner of her study and she hadn't had time to read it, despite Michael's eager recommendation.
“Please open chapter No. 20 and read aloud the title”. Diane did what he said and read, “Try to Treat Others as You Would Want Them to Treat You”. Well, so what are you actually implying?”
They continued to read the chapter over the phone until they reached the paragraph:
“Now there is an interesting phenomenon at work in human relations. When one person yells at another, the other has an impulse to yell back. One is treated pretty much the way he treats others: one actually sets an example of how he should be treated”.
Diane was shocked!
She suddenly realized that she is not patient about Phil's life: she is very critical about his friends who look “crazy” in her eyes, she disparages the music he prefers and she makes non-stop remarks about his style of dress.
Diane decided immediately to treat Phil as she would like him to treat her. She finished the conversation with Michael and went back to read closely chapter 20 in the booklet. She dwelled upon the part where it's written: “Now what do you suppose would happen if one were to try to treat those around him with justness, loyalty, good sportsmanship, fairness, honesty, kindness, consideration, compassion, self-control, tolerance, forgiveness, benevolence, belief, respect, politeness, dignity, admiration, friendliness, love, and did it with integrity?
It might take a while but don't you suppose that many others would then begin to try to treat one the same way?"
Diane continued to observe herself while studying chapter 20 and understood what she should do to save her relationship.
After about three months Diane sent a message: “Michael! You and your booklet are genius!!! You deserve a huge bouquet because yesterday I got a marriage proposal from Phil. I'm so excited.”
Michael couldn't wait and immediately called to hear details. Diane explained: “After our conversation I realized what I was doing wrong and how to improve it. I used the chapter we read. I applied the drill at the end of the chapter, the section on specializing every day on one virtue etc. I actually worked on myself and all the while I saw Phil suddenly resume being extremely charming. You wouldn't believe it but he bought me a couple of very expensive tickets to a concert so I could go with my mother!” “Wow! Diane that's incredible!!!” Michael said. “But Michael, although I was surprised by his support, I realized why it had happened. I might add that the tickets for the concert came two days after I cooked a big dinner for his 'disturbed' friends, the same friends I had hated him to meet at all before.”
It turns out the precept worked! Good treatment in the long run resulted in good treatment on the part of Phil. At first she did not even tell him about Michael's advice, but she began behaving according to it, and instead of criticizing, used tolerance and acceptance, instead of scorn, they shared consideration and respect. And soon also a wedding.
Today, Diane knows that a person can influence the behavior of others towards him or her - in relationships in the family or at work. Would you like many other people to know this and be helped by the information in this booklet?
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Do not let yourself Stagnate
When I was small, I used to live in the village surrounding with backyard pond. When I first put water in the pond, it was healthy and vibrant. It will support fish and plant life. But if I keep the same old water in the pond for weeks, pretty soon it gets stagnant. The fish and plant life in the pond become poisoned with waste and eventually die. For the pond to support life, you have to recirculate the water or, better yet, add new water frequently. When you do that, the fish and plants will thrive for a long time.
Like a pond, each of us has a certain amount of mental, emotional and physical “ water “ – meaning our thoughts, our actions, our history and so on – at any given time. That water does a pretty good job of supporting our lives at their current levels. But unless we add fresh water all the time in the form of new experiences, new ways of thinking, new beliefs and new ideas, then we too become stagnant.
The last time you were faced with a new idea or a different way of looking at something, how difficult did you find it to open up to opportunities ? All too often we get stuck in our prejudices and old ideas because we feel they are right. We do not even see opportunities until we are forced to do so. Closing yourself to opportunities keeps you stagnant and in today’s accelerated world of life and business, stagnant means failure. Stagnant means never growing or learning, as we were born to do.
Just think about the changes that have occurred in the past 10 to 20 years. The internet. Cell Phones. Podcasts, Instant text messages, and now the IPhone. Today you can be halfway around the world from loved ones and or business associates, and see them through videocast and hear them via satellite phone. New drugs and treatments can cure diseases once thought incurable. You can be in your company headquarters in the Kuching, go to a computer and change manufacturing specification for a product in a factory in the US, and the machine in US automatically will implement the change.
Now imagine what would happen if you closed your mind to all these opportunities. You’d still be using a rotary telephone and doing business by fax and snail mail. It would take days or weeks to make changes in your company’s products. You might not benefit from the latest medical treatments because you were not interested in any ‘ newfangled’ medicine.
In the same way you need to open up the opportunities represented by the technological innovations that surround you constantly, it is even more important that you open up to the opportunities that life constantly presents to us and embrace the changes that come our way. If we do so, then we find ourselves growing – almost without having to think about it.
As Sommerset Maugham has once said:- It is a funny thing about life. If you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it. Thus stay connected with new ideas all the time to stay ahead of time.
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